Home Cooking

True to my word, I went home the other night and cooked for myself. I made an amazingly easy and yummy pizza!

Sure, you're thinking, Pizza? When she's complaining about her relationship with her bathroom scale? Well, this is not your typical pizza. It's loaded with veggies and the only cheese on top is feta - a lower calorie/lower fat choice than some of your traditional pizza toppings.

Here is the recipe:

Veggie Pizza

10 oz. can refrigerated pizza dough
1 TBS olive oil
1 TBS minced garlic
1 TSP dried basil
14.5 oz. can pasta-style chunky tomatoes, drained
8 oz. artichoke hearts, quartered
4 oz. can mushrooms, drained
2.5 oz. can sliced olives, drained
1/2 cup thin sliced red or green pepper
blanched broccoli florets
8 oz. feta cheese

Spray 9 x 13 pan w/cooking spray. Pat dough into pan 1" up on sides. Brush w/olive oil. Sprinkle with garlic and basil. Cover with drained tomatoes, artichokes, etc. Sprinkle with feta.

Bake 20 minutes @ 425 degrees

SO EASY AND SO GOOD!!

And really, you could put whatever ingredients you like. I'm thinking next time I'm going to use a pesto sauce and try it with some breaded eggplant cutlets. We'll see. The possibilities are endless!

Tomorrow is a scheduled run day. It has gotten cooler of late (Tuesday morning was downright cold) so it's decent running weather. My problem is getting out of bed and making myself run in the dark with the dogs. But the bathroom scale says it must be done. And so it shall be.

The Bathroom Scale

I have found the best running motivator yet - my bathroom scale. Yes, I said it . . . and I mean it. When I posted this on my Facebook status I got quite a bit of flack.

I am not a big person. I am fortunate that I have good genes (thanks, Mom & Dad) and, with one exception, have never had a serious weight problem. But, because of that one exception, I do need to monitor my weight and because of my job, I need to stay under a certain weight.

Well, it appears in the time I spent in Massachusetts working with my ensemble theatre company and living with my parents, I put on more pounds than is good for my job. Or my clothes. No, I'm not suddenly obese or even close, but you can't tell me that you don't recognize when you're not longer as healthy as you were. I don't feel as good. My clothes don't fit right. And I don't like the number coming from the scale!

I'm not complaining, really. I'm happy for the added incentive to get out and run. It helped me get out the door and run three mornings last week and start off this week with a run as well. And the number on the scale is dropping. Slowly, yes, but it's going in the right direction now.

I learned a lot about my relationship with food in my visit back East. My mother did most of the cooking for those of us in the company living with her. And if you don't know my mom, you don't know just how amazing a cook she is. Seriously. I joke that my mother is Martha Stewart without the jail time (or the attitude), but I am awed by her abilities. I learned that I love to eat fresh, home-cooked food. I learned that I need to control my portions of fresh, home-cooked food. And I learned that I need to be more pro-active in preparing fresh, home-cooked food for myself!

So, I have been good since my return. And I'm even more inspired now that I've read Mark Bittman's article in this month's Runner's World. I'm an ovo-lacto-pesce-vegetarian, so the meat thing isn't that big of a deal for me, but it made me look more closely at ALL the foods I typically prepare. And it only reinforced my desire to get more fresh food in my diet. So I've been cooking! And I'm really excited about a number of his recipes; I can't wait to try his Shrimp and Tofu stir-fry.

Now, I'm not currently in rehearsal for anything, but that's about to change. In less than a week, I begin directing Macbeth and I will be on campus more or less every weeknight between October 5 and December 6. WHEW. Not a lot of extra cooking time. However, I have told myself that at least one weekend day each week I would do some cooking. As for my meals while teaching and directing, I will be able to eat some leftovers and the rest of the time I can prepare salads, steamed veggies (I ADORE the Green Giant health blends - i.e. Immunity Blend, Digestive Health, Healthy Weight, etc.), and probably Lean Cuisine or the like. The last one doesn't thrill me, but those meals are fast. If I can plan ahead enough, I can use my crock pot some, too, and that will keep me from using packaged food.

So lookout Bathroom Scale! Between my running and my eating - well, not exactly RIGHT but certainly better - that scale can replaced as a motivator by maybe a race! And I'm already looking at two short ones to start.

Run Parade

On Saturday, I ran for the first time in ages. And I ran with all four of my dogs.

Yes, perhaps I am certifiable.

But after over six months off, I am determined to find a way to get running back into my life. So on Saturday, I decided to try running with my dogs.

A friend of mine said I must look like a parade coming down the street. He's not far off. I surely must look like one person trying to hold onto a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon on my own. Still, the dogs seemed mostly game so I decided to run again today.

It went better . . . and worse. We ran a longer distance which was good. And we didn't run any slower (frankly, I'm not sure that's even possible at this point and still call it a run and not a walk). But it's dark at 5:30/6:00 AM now and I hit a small rise going over a man hole cover and BAM! I hit the dirt. It was pretty ugly. I landed smack on the heels of my hand and a wound on my left hand, given by one stressed out Henry just yesterday, burst open. My knees are scraped and my wrists are sore. This was MOMENTS after we began our run. SIGH.

Well, I got back on the horse so-to-speak and off we went. My lab, Zoe, is a perfect running partner in that she understands where to run (just to one side and slightly in front of me) and generally keeps up with me (more on THAT in a second). But the others . . . oh, the others. Stella isn't half bad - she kinda understands to stay to the side, but she's easily distracted. Running with Bingley and Buster is like running with two leashed Tasmanian Devils. Seriously. They're ahead of me one moment, behind me the next, and criss-crossing constantly. It's funny, but I'm regularly having to untangle myself and their leashes.

Plus there's the stopping. Now Zoe is efficient and doesn't require a lot of stopping. Neither does Stella really, but of course she takes more time. Buster and Bingley have to hit every tree, stump, curb, signpost, streetlight, hydrant, bush, flowerbed, and other dog smell along the way. Something about that male need to mark the world. And it's ACORN season. Apparently that's a little dog's delicacy. Seriously. Bingley and Buster want to stop for EVERY ACORN on the route! And EAT every acorn. It's humorous, but annoying too. How am I supposed to get any real running done?

And then there's Zoe's motivation. Well, she's 12 so I can't blame her, but she really doesn't WANT to run much anymore.

So what's a girl to do?

Now that the new semester is into it's fourth week and I start directing in early October, there is just no other way to get a run in without running with the beasties. It's kind of opposite of running with the bulls.

At least I won't get gored to death. Maybe just bored to death.

New Digs

Today, I got checked out of my rental. So it's official: I am in my new digs! And looking forward to a full deposit refund.

And, I'm only one box away from being unpacked in my new house. All that is really left is putting away a few small things and hanging a few remaining items up. The movers (Two Men and a Truck) were wildly efficient on Monday and got me moved out in 4 hours. I have been either unpacking in my new house, or cleaning the old one since then.

Yesterday, after cleaning ALL DAY in 100 degree heat, I returned home, showered, and then poured myself a large margarita. I had seriously earned it. I sat outside on my new deck, dogs at my feet, and listened to my fountain and watched the wildlife in my new backyard.

The previous owner left a little Terracotta bird house in a tree, and I discovered yesterday a family of Chickadees have claimed it. I wasn't certain there were babies there until I walked over and saw one peep it's little head up. When I returned to my chair, I saw mama and papa busy collecting dinner and feeding the little ones. Their routine captivated me for the better part of an hour. I must now be watchful for the babies being pushed out of the home as I am quite certain my pack of five would be too interested in them for their own good.

The previous owner also left a bird feeder, which I need to clean out and perhaps find a new place for it, as nobody can enjoy it where it currently resides. The dogs continue to enjoy the yard and certainly our walks are prettier in this neighborhood.

However, I did get an interesting "welcome" from a man who lives near the park. Obviously, I'm quite a sight walking 5 dogs (and I grow more and more weary of the expression, "You've got your hands full!" I hear it at least once a walk. Enough already!). Well, this man pulled up in his car beside me and asked, "Are you an official dog walker?" I chuckled and replied that no, indeed, they were all mine. He then says, "I saw you walk by my house yesterday. You know, there is a city ordinance against having too many dogs." Excuse me? I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something nasty. Instead, I just said that two were strays going to new homes in the future. Of course, only Taco is for certain going away . . . but I wanted the man to be on his way. What a welcome to the neighborhood, huh? I mean, I am actually doing this man and the rest of the city a huge service by taking in all these dogs, feeding them, walking them, socializing them, spaying/neutering/vaccinating them, and finding them new homes. So that man can just take his city ordinance and stick it where the sun don't shine.

On the opposite spectrum, there have been a number of very friendly folks who just marvel at the collection and enjoy saying hello. So, no complaints.

Now, if only Beatrice would adjust as well as the rest. I'm afraid she has made the master bath her home. Granted, it's bigger than my last bedroom where she stayed, but I am feeling badly. She appears content . . . so I guess the adjustment that needs to be made is mine.

So all is well here on Sunshine. More from my new digs soon.

First Night

Last night I spent my first night in my new house.

Perhaps I jumped the gun.

Yes, it has been over a month since I closed on the house. And, true, I have been dying to get in there. But the truth is, I didn't sleep well for a number of reasons.

First of all, all of the critters were spending their first night there, too, so they were getting adjusted to new sounds, smells, and spaces. The dogs did OKAY - woke me up at 3 AM wanting to go out, but otherwise managed pretty well.

The CATS are another story. I don't wish to enclose either cat in a small space . . . but giving them both full run of the house really meant Henry could be King of the Castle (appropriately named, he is) and Beatrice running scared into one of my closets most of the night. And most of today. There was a lot of growling, hissing, and spitting going on and I kept having to run interference so Beatrice wouldn't get attacked in the dark. Poor thing. I may have to rethink my plans. SIGH.

Also, I didn't have a real bed. I have ordered a new bed (which is to be delivered TODAY), but last night I slept on a blow-up mattress . . . which has a slow leak. I had to refill it twice through the night.

And, I appear to have contracted some sort of croup in Toronto because I cannot stop coughing. Seriously, that was the WORST part of my night. I just kept hacking away. I continue to try to remove a lung through my throat today as well and worry tonight, even on my new bed, will be a similar story.

And lastly, I forgot to bring my coffee maker over so my morning coffee was delayed by hours. NOT GOOD. Especially after a night of little sleep.

So I'm disappointed. Not because of the house - I am not experiencing a MOMENT of buyers remorse. I'm just plain exhausted.

Let's hope second night is better than first night.

News News and More News

Yes, I have been away nearly 4 months. I feel I have good reason:

I applied to, interviewed for, was offered, and have accepted, the tenure track position I was covering this past year.
I directed Oedipus.
I found yet ANOTHER dog.
I bought a house.
I went to Canada for two weeks.
I went to DC for one.

Yup. All that. Here are more details.

The job interview went very well. Come to find out, I had little to worry about in regards to my competition. Apparently, my competition looked good on paper, but was less than that in person. Of course, during the long process, I ended up being a finalist at two other schools. And that gave me some pause 'cause it would have gotten me out of the mid-west. But, in the end, I really like my job and the devil you know is often better than the devil you don't!

Once I made the decision to stay on, I decided to really commit to the idea that I was now a teaching artist and that maybe putting down some roots would be smart. Since I am one of the lucky ones to be gainfully employed in this crazy market, and since interest rates are low and housing costs low, I figured I would buy a house. Now, those that know me are probably surprised by this choice. I have spent my life being a gypsy and loving it. But with my pack growing and really committing to my new career, I decided this was the smart choice. I could build equity, get a great tax break, and finally stop renting places that were "fine" and live someplace I LOVED.

Well, I sure found it. I closed last month on a fabulous house built in 1934 with amazing updates. Here it is:










Of course, I haven't yet MOVED IN! SIGH. My life is just too damn busy.

But I am getting ahead of myself. I bought the house immediately after Oedipus closed. Oedipus was a good experience all in all. I directed it with a nod to the Greek traditions of masks and a strong chorus. It wasn't easy and it wasn't exactly what I had envisioned (I doubt much educational theatre is - not dissing educational theatre, it's just unlike a lot of professional work, the students are all working on different levels), but I thought it was a gorgeous show with a lot of good work in it. And it was fun. :) Here are is a link to a promo video - it gives you some small idea of the work: http://tadmedia.missouristate.edu/promo/oedipus.mov.

Of course, the revolving door animal house has continued since my last post. Annie was adopted by the Artist and Oliver went to an amazing home in Indiana thanks to American Brittany Rescue (after I took him through basic obedience - man I LOVE that sweet dog). Clementine, the kitty, is now Circe and living in DC with the Writer (who moved there due to a new job - awesome!). Taco, the chihuahua is moving to MD at the end of this month, but there is a "newcomer" to our pack: Mr. Bingley.











He's an adorable Pekingese and I am desperately looking for a good home for him. He arrived shortly before Oliver left for his new home so there was a time I had six dogs integrated into the pack. LOL. NUTTY! I am sure if I can't find a home for him I will work through a Pekingese rescue and he'll be placed quickly. I just like to find homes for these animals so I can keep track of them. Fortunately, Oliver's family is good about sending pictures and updates.

Now, what's left?

Oh yes, Canada. This trip actually fell in my lap when I was negotiating for the tenure track job. I needed to "re certify" my weapon skills and a group of our students were going to Fight Director's Canada for two weeks of intensive training and to test. So, as a "bonus", the University paid for me to go with them. All in all I'm very happy to have gone. I passed the certification tests (whew!) and that's all good for the tenure stuff. However, I am DONE with Hostels. Seriously. Never will be soon enough. UGH. But that's for another posting.

So, after my trip to Toronto, I got to see my nephew graduate as Valedictorian of his class in MD and then stayed a few extra days in DC. So that was a nice break. I enjoyed visiting with a few select friends and ate some great food. The best was for last when Boss Lady, her husband, the Hostess, and I all went to Brasserie Beck. Wow. GREAT beer (and I'm not generally a fan of beer), great food (awesome cheese plate), one of the best desserts I've ever had (a Belgian Waffle with blueberry compote and dark chocolate mousse - KILL ME), and fabulous company.

Now I am back in my little town; doing laundry and trying to figure out how I am going to move into my new home. SIGH. I'm sure I will figure it out, but I am impatient. I took the dogs over this morning to acclimate them and they were SO EXCITED. They romped all through the backyard and even explored the inside of the house. I will be keeping them out of most of the house for my own sanity, but it was good to let them check it out.

So that's it for now. I hope to keep up with the blog more regularly now that things are "slowing down."

It's good to be home.

Pied Piper

I guess I'm just going to have to accept it: I am the pied piper of strays.

Seriously. Shortly after I moved here, I found Stella and then 3 days later I found Buster. Though Buster went to another home briefly, he returned here and has remained one of my "permanent pack."

Then 4 months later I found Brimley. And a month after that, he went to his new home.

But the busiest season has surely been this past month. Three weeks ago, I found Annie and Oliver, as posted. Annie is getting closer and closer to finding a home . . . The Artist really wants her and as long as her boyfriend likes Annie when he meets her in a couple of weeks, Annie will be placed. Sadly, we're still searching for a home for Oliver.

Then last weekend Henry (my indoor cat) escaped the house and I couldn't wrangle him before I had to go to rehearsal. When I returned after 11pm that night, he wasn't to be found near the house. So, of course, I go looking for him, calling his name.

Behind my house about a half block, I call his name and in response I hear this very little "mew." Those that know Henry, my very talkative cat, know he doesn't make diminutive sounds. He's a man's cat! So I just called "kitty, kitty, kitty" and before I knew it a little kitten is running out to me. No, I'm not kidding.

Here she is:

Fortunately, I have a local friend who has been talking about getting a second cat since September, so I immediately checked in with her. As long as nobody claims this sweet girl (I'm calling her Clementine), she's going to The Writer next weekend. I'll be really sorry to see her go . . . she's the most affectionate, mild mannered kitty I've ever known. And as tempting as it is to keep her, I know she'll be better off with The Writer and my cats will be happier. Yes, I did eventually find Henry.

So I'm feeling pretty confident about two of the three current strays moving on by mid-March and that the household will calm down a bit . . . when Taco decides to enter my life. Yesterday morning, I'm out walking my permanent pack when we come across this little Chihuahua mix. I don't recognize him from the neighborhood, but that doesn't mean he doesn't belong there. He is, OF COURSE, without a collar . . . and very friendly. He comes right up to us and meets my pack. And then proceeds to follow us home. Yup. Every step of the way as if he belonged with us. All the way to the fence and into the gate.

Well, naturally I brought him inside, fed him, and gated him. I immediately checked craigslist, but nobody was searching for a Chihuahua. Not one posting. SIGH.

So I post I've found him and proceed with my day.

When I returned from work, he had jumped his gate and was hanging out with my pack. I guess they like him. But there were no phone calls from anybody looking for him. So I head back to campus for rehearsal and when I get home at my usual 11pm or so, lo and behold there are TWO messages!

I listen to the first, a friend of somebody looking for their Chihuahua, but the description is a little off. I listen to the second, the actual owner of that dog, and again the description is off. It's too late to call back, so I deal with the bedtime ritual of two packs and keep Taco with my pack. When it's time for bed, my pack falls into its routine (Zoe on her dog bed, Stella and Buster in my bed), and Taco makes himself at home on my bed, too. Yup. He's so integrated into the pack in one short day that he sleeps on the bed with no fuss from any other dog. In fact, he cuddles right up to me and spends the entire night next to my right shoulder.

So this morning, after dealing with dogs and cats, I call the owner of the missing Chihuahua. And sadly we determine that Taco is not her dog. SIGH. I'm bummed. He's a GREAT little dog. He's well mannered and very sweet. Surely somebody must be missing him! Here he is:

And I once again have a funny feeling that it will be up to me to place him. I don't think he'll be a tough one to adopt out. In fact, a good friend in Maryland has already said she'd love to have him. And a colleague knows a Chihuahua rescue in town . . . so he'll be all right.

So I'm currently caring for 6 dogs and 3 cats. My friends think I have an addiction. But I'm really not going out LOOKING for these animals! They quite literally show up at my house or follow me home. I really am a pied piper of sorts.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Why do I do this to myself?

When the department administrative assistant e-mailed the interview itineraries for both me and the other candidate, I chose NOT to investigate the other candidate. I figured ignorance is bliss and I would be better off in my interview not knowing what I was up against.

I was right.

'Cause today I decided to investigate. And now I am convinced I won't get the job. This woman has a much stronger "pedigree", loads of professional experience, AND has been the head of her own area when she's been teaching. Her skill set is far superior to mind for what the department needs and I'm wondering how the hell I even made it to candidate. Oh yeah . . . by law don't the HAVE to invite the internal candidate???

SIGH. So I spent the rest of the day, beating myself over the head and convincing myself that I'd be leaving this red state in the middle of the country.

Not that that would kill me . . . or even disappoint me, really . . . but it does have an impact on my self-esteem. So my confidence level tanked just as I was preparing to start rehearsals for a HUGE show. Even my classes were a bit wonky today. UGH.

So just when I'm feeling especially low and tired (I was up at 4:30 AM with the dogs), I get the mail. I see a very slim envelope from another school to which I applied and, as I'm tearing into it, I assume I got the big SORRY.

Well, I'll be damned if I didn't make the first cut!!! Sure, this is by no means an invitation to campus, but I've been so worried I wasn't competitive that I had given up all hope any other school would be even remotely interested. Surprise! My paperwork is still working on some level. So that was a nice bright spot in my day.

That and my mom's valentine card. :)

So what is it about us that makes us do that which we know isn't smart, or good for us? I had made a choice to ignore the other candidate for this posting, but in the end, curiosity killed this cat. I just couldn't avoid the temptation. I just HAD to know.

This woman, at least on paper, ROCKS. And should the university here offer ME the job, I just may lose all respect for them. 'Cause if you compare us on paper, there's no question who should get the gig.

It kinda makes me want to go watch her teach. Yeah, this cat has a big problem.

Puppy Possessive

Today I had two people come to meet the dogs as potential adopters. One was The Artist and one was the roommate of one of my students.

The Artist has been wanting a dog for some time. However, her boyfriend moves in with her this summer and though he's excited about a dog, too, he wants her to wait so they can choose together. I don't blame him, but I told the Artist I would be happy to foster until he could meet the dogs when he comes to visit in March. She was really excited about Annie and though she couldn't promise me anything, said if Annie were still around in March that she'd bring her boyfriend by.

My student's roommate was a nice guy. No longer a student himself, he owns his own home and has a good job. But his house has no fence in the back and both of my strays need a fenced in yard. He originally came to meet Oliver, but by the end of his visit, he was more interested in Annie. Uh-oh.

Still, he needs to think it over and whatnot. Secretly, I hope he decides the timing isn't right. And I could put my foot down about the fence. I do hold all the cards, right?

It's funny . . . when anybody expresses a desire to meet the dogs, I experience relief and a little jealousy. I've only had these dogs for one week and already I'm a little possessive and protective of them. I know these dogs would make any number of people happy, but in my crazy brain I wonder how many people can really make the dogs happy. It's ridiculous.

Yup, I'm already attached. It doesn't take long with me. This morning I took Annie and Oliver on individual walks. It helped a lot and already I could see the different techniques that would work to train each one. I'm seeing a big difference in their behavior toward me as Alpha now and I am beginning to fantasize about how I could keep all five.

INSANE, I KNOW. You don't have to tell me. I am not stupid. I will continue to seek good homes for both . . . but secretly harbor a desire to hold onto them. And time will be the final judge as to weather they stay or go.

My head knows what is best for me, but my heart says otherwise.

Managing the Menagerie

Well, I survived the interview process. It was two long days, but all went well - even the "research" presentation. I'm exhausted, but relieved to have it over and now I can concentrate on other, more pressing tasks.

I start rehearsals for Oedipus on Monday night. I'm excited, but still scared to death. The design elements are all coming together and I'm really looking forward to working in a more "organic" way with the cast, but we'll see how it goes. The mask designs are stunning, I have a live percussionist, and the ensemble is buzzing about getting started. Still, I have a LOT of homework related to the project and will be spending much of tomorrow working on it.

And of course there is just keeping up with my regular work. I have a bunch of grading to do as well, but I have decided today is a day of "rest" after my crazy week. A bunch of us are going to celebrate a friend's birthday later today by seeing a movie and eating bad movie food. I can't wait. :)

But of course the most pressing task is dealing with the new strays. I am calling them Annie and Oliver - the only orphan names I could think of - 'cause they need to be called SOMETHING. They are sweet dogs, but have absolutely NO LEASH behavior so I cannot walk them. And I'm still needing to deal with them as a separate pack for now.

I went to Petsmart today as they were having an adoption event with three local shelters. I figured I could talk to them in person and hopefully convince them to help me out. Well, as I figured, they have no room to house the dogs, but if I am willing to foster them, they will try to place them for me. So . . . it looks like they're mine for the foreseeable future.

Knowing that to be the case, I sought out the dog trainer there and have set up a "private" session with her to introduce the two packs. I figure if they're going to be here for a while, it would be helpful to have them all getting along! We'll see how it goes.

Of course this mean two new visits to the vet and most likely I will be spaying and neutering them. UGH. My friend PhD suggested I just apply for 501(c)3 status just so I could take donations. Perhaps she's on to something.

And, should it take longer than I would like to place them, I may have to get them into obedience school. Seriously. They have a lot to learn.

Still, they're sweet pups and deserve a good life. I know they can make somebody very happy. And per lifestudent's request, I've posted some photos.

This is Annie.

This is Oliver.

Any room in your home and heart for these fabulous canines?

If not, I'll continue to manage the menagerie . . .

You Couldn't Write this Stuff

It is said life is stranger than fiction and considering my life in recent weeks, I would have to believe it. But I choose to focus just on this week for this post because THIS week, I have my job interview.

WHY are job interviews always ridiculous times for me? WHY?

Tomorrow I begin my on-campus interview for the job I currently hold. I have to, in a way, pretend I don't already have a working relationship with these people and go through the full, tradition, arcane, insane interview process. I begin at 7:15 tomorrow morning and won't really finish until 3:30 Friday afternoon.

In between, I have TEN "meetings" of some fashion, a "research" presentation (huh?), and I get to teach in front of the people who saw me teach last year. Great fun, isn't it?

But wait, it gets better.

The Universe appears to want to screw with me - or at the very least get my attention. On Saturday night, TWO (yes, I said TWO) lost or stray dogs just SHOWED UP at my doorstep. I am not lying. They just showed up. Naturally, being the bleeding heart animal lover that I am, I took them in. But it's more complicated than all the other strays I've taken in because, as there are two of them, they are their own little pack and as such I cannot introduce them SAFELY to my pack. So I am having to keep them separated.

In essence, I am having to do double the work.

It's a shame, too, because they are sweet dogs that just want my attention when I literally have no time to give it to them.

But wait, it gets better.

When I left DC, I left the house of my dreams. True, it was a rental, but it was a huge row house on Capitol Hill, with hardwood floors and exposed brick, a fenced in back yard with a deck, two blocks from a metro stop, and just a block and a half from Congressional Cemetery where I could walk my dog off leash. As I've continued to debate being in Missouri, I've checked in with the property management agency that leases that house to see if it was listed again. Sure enough, yesterday I discovered it was going to be free beginning in March. YUP. My dream house was free again!!! Granted, a little early, but available none-the-less.

But wait, it gets better.

I get home, and in my mailbox is a letter from my CURRENT rental agency. Even though my lease expires MAY 31st, they want to know by FEBRUARY 16th if I intend to stay another year!!!! WHAT THE *#$!?

So what do you think? Is the Universe speaking to me? And if so, what EXACTLY is it saying? 'Cause really, I don't think I can take another plot development.

Deat by Meeting and Other Stories

So Friday we had a "faculty retreat". Don't be fooled by the word retreat. It just means we had a very long, all-faculty meeting that wasn't in our usual building. But we were still on campus and it was still a meeting. It is this kind of thing that makes me really hate academia and question pursuing a career in it. What an incredible waste of time. Seriously, there is a reason it's called death by meeting!

Saturday morning I was busy preparing for my trip to KC and checked my e-mail early to retrieve an address. My friend the Fashionista (you know, the one with the chandelier in her closet?), recently moved and was planning on hosting cocktails before dinner. So there was a new e-mail from her address in my inbox, but as it turns out it was from her husband. The Fashionista's mother had passed away in the wee hours of the morning.

Though my trip was still on, it was now for entirely different reasons.

My friends are having a bad year of it. That's two mothers in less than six months. Now the Fashionista had told us her mother was ill, but I don't think any of us, especially my friend, was expecting to lose her so quickly in the end.

So I still took the trip, and we all still had dinner, but it was more to boost my friend than to celebrate all of us being together.

I did enjoy the hotel. I slept extremely well in the king size bed sans critters and got up early this morning to run and use the pool. I couldn't believe it when I had the place to myself. No cute boys in the hot tub, but frankly, I was quite pleased with that. I enjoyed over 20 minutes of soothing hot water and massaging jets before I returned to my room to shower and get ready for brunch. In fact, I had such a nice time, I may go back for the entire 3-day weekend over President's Day. I deserve it, damn it.

Brunch was a mind trip. I was back in my old hood . . . literally right next door to my childhood home I hadn't seen in probably a decade or more. I had dinner with my two best childhood friends, their spouses and children, their parents, and even a sibling and his family. It was WILD but really lovely catching up with everybody. I hope to see them again before another 10 years pass. I imagine I will.

After debating staying until Tuesday for the memorial service and deciding I could return if I wanted, I hit the road about 2pm. On the way home, I decided to stop in Osceola to check out this cheese shop I see advertised on billboards for miles and miles both north and south of town. It's a funky little place on the side of the highway, but you get to taste most of their cheeses for free (and those who know me know I can't pass on free cheese tastes!) and check out a bunch of other Osceola-made goods. I poked around for a good half hour and finally picked up a Gouda-goat cheese, some red pepper jelly (on the advice of a friend), a dip mix, and some peanut butter pretzels (I was a little peckish). I considered it an Artist Date and really enjoyed myself. Then I got back in my car and finished my trip home.

So I'm home now and trying to figure out if I should head back up tomorrow, extremely early Tuesday, or not at all. I really want to be there for my friend, but it will take its toll on my time-wise and with classes. So I'm going to sleep on it.

And that's it for now. Well, except that I still have no groceries in the house and dinner to figure out. SIGH. I wish I could just click my fuzzy pink slippers like Dorothy and be back at the hotel. Sadly, life doesn't imitate ALL art.

Deep Freeze

Damn it's cold outside! I realize I don't live in Wisconsin or Chicago or even Alaska . . . where I would die in cold like that . . . but for me, a high of 17 is bad enough.

In spite of the cold last night, my friends and I braved a night out to catch up and relax a little. We each seem to be experiencing a particularly difficult semester start so it was good to hang out a little.

Our "usual" spot, Tonic, was open but not serving food and no longer giving free manicures. BUMMER. We joked good-naturedly with the bored server (it was DEAD there - seriously, I think we were the ONLY customers) about the decline of the place and made some plans to eat elsewhere, but decided to have one drink there.

Our server, Dick (NO LIE, that's his name), was a cutie. He was a little older than the usual servers, but still young enough for my tastes, and very gregarious. I think he rather liked the attention of 5 women and pretty much hung out with us while we enjoyed our drinks. And once I had a few sips of my Southern Belle - a most amazing concoction of sweet tea infused vodka and lemonade (I know - I was drinking VODKA) introduced to us by the Artist, a South Carolina native - I could feel myself warming up. I think Dick noticed and he started flirting pretty fiercely with me. I sure loved the attention!

I know I have put off a relationship for the time being, but I do miss dating and all the good stuff that comes with it. I suppose I could compare the hold on dating a sort of deep freeze, too - an emotional one. So depending on my schedule and finding a wing man, I may return there sooner than later to thaw out a little.

Anyway, he finally bid us farewell and we finished the evening at Trolley's eating burgers and fries. It was a good night. Still, by the time I got home I was brain dead and pretty much just crashed.

At dinner, the Artist and I determined that it was going to be too cold to run at 5:30 in the morning. So this morning, I managed to get an extra half hour or so of sleep. I know it's cold when even the DOGS don't want to be outside. We took the shortest walk ever this morning. There was no dilly-dallying. The took care of their business and we were back in the house inside 20 minutes. CRAZY!

Tonight is supposed to get even COLDER. I know it won't last long, but frankly, I'm really tired of winter. I am tired of the cold, I am tired of the dark, I am tired of the brown and gray landscape. My mood definately reflects the landscape, or vice versa. I shut down in some ways over the winter. I want to hibernate from the deep freeze. But clearly there is a kind of deep freeze that lives in me each winter.

So I think tonight I'll light a fire, cuddle with the critters, and enjoy a glass of red wine to thaw myself out a little.

Happily Ever After?

Today was a pretty good day all in all.

I got up at 5 AM (my standard now), ran with the Artist and dogs at 5:30, wrote in my morning pages, showered, had breakfast and raced to campus.

My 9 AM class was freezing in the studio, but otherwise it was good time spent. They seem like a good group. Then I had one of the most productive days I've had on campus. SHOCKER! So, even though I still have to finish an online application for a job and I still have to finish a syllabus calendar, I got a LOT done. Just before my 3 PM class, I chatted online with the World Traveler. We got to talking and she may join The Artist Way cluster. Hurrah! We also chatted about our weekend plans.

This weekend I'm off to KC to visit some of my childhood friends. I honestly can't remember the last time we were ALL together (maybe one's wedding back in 1991 or so). CRAZY! But I told the World Traveler since I didn't really get a break over my break, I was staying in a hotel in KC with an indoor pool and jacuzzi. I was giving myself a little treat. She said something like, "Maybe there will be some cute guys in the jacuzzi with you . . ." and I replied, "God, I wish!"

Next thing I know she's telling me to hold on because she's going to draw me a Faerie Card. She was gifted the Faerie Cards when she was leaving for The Philippines. Those of you who have been following this blog since its inception might remember an entry from way back about the World Traveler and her Faerie Card cynicism. Boy did she learn! Anyway, from time to time, back when I lived in DC and worked for the Folger, my colleagues and I would have a problem, or decision, or even big event in our life and we would draw a card for "guidance."

So I was pretty excited to have one drawn on my behalf as it had been a while.

Well, the next thing I see on my IM is "OMG - HAPPILY EVER AFTER!" (or something close to that). Yup, the World Traveler had drawn me one of the best cards in the deck. Apparently, if I don't fight the current path I'm on, I'm going to live happily ever after (that's my sum up)!

So that got me to thinking about my life and winter of discontent. Was it just that I was fighting my current circumstances? So I promised the World Traveler I wouldn't worry about anything anymore (true, easier said than done, but there is power in just putting that out into the Universe) and I instantly felt . . . well, lighter!

So we wrapped up our IM conversation and I went off to teach. When I got back, I was called into the Department Head's office (sounds like I was called to the principal, doesn't it?). I went in and he told me that the faculty line search had been given a green light from the provost and I needed to schedule my interview!

Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I really figured I wouldn't know anything for at least another month! So, it looks like I'm officially interviewing in about 3 weeks.

And I'm trying to hold onto what the Faeries advised: not to sabotage my own success. So I am trying to keep an open mind about staying here (at least for the immediate future). Perhaps I am on the best course for me right now. Perhaps DC isn't the place I need to be - at this time - to live "happily ever after."

Now, nothing is certain and I still have lots of hoops to jump through. But it's nice to finally have ONE job in the hopper. And no matter what happens, I'll either KNOW I'm staying or going in short order.

So I get to run off to KC, pamper myself, look for those cute boys in the jacuzzi, and spend time with some dear friends without all this excess worry.

Who knows? Maybe I WILL live happily ever after!

Back To School

Today I went back to school.

I survived. It was very hectic and naturally fires were already needing to be put out. Funny that.

One of which is figuring out what to do about two of my cast members who did not make the GPA to participate in Oedipus. Unfortunately, one of them happens to be OEDIPUS. UGH.

Now what?

I think the acting area has decided he and the other student can petition the faculty and department head to be allowed to participate. But if he's denied, I have a plan. I just need to get going on it! Rehearsals begin in less than a month.

The rest of the week appears to be just as busy. UGH. At least my friends and I have plans to go out on Wednesday night as usual. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with them.

So, for now, it's back to business as usual. For now, it's back to school.

Enjoying a Big Glass of Wine (or is it Whine?)

So I got home about 30 minutes ago from my callback in St. Louis. I'm amazed I made it through the day.

I got out about 15 minutes later than I would have liked, but still in good time. The trip was easy enough . . . until I GOT there.

Silly me forgot to make certain the auditions were taking place at the theatre's "home address." It crossed my mind once en route, but I forged ahead with my misguided plan and got there a full hour before my audition.

But things didn't look right. There were no cars in the lot. There were no signs on the doors. It was impossibly quiet. I tried looking through my e-mail to see if I could find the posting and I even tried to look up actorsequity.org on my phone. Alas, my phone isn't GREAT at the world wide web and I was thwarted. So I gathered my things and tried the door.

Of course it was locked.

So 15 minutes have passed and I get back in my car and call the most trustworthy of men: my father. Fortunately, he was home and quickly jumped on the computer for me to search out my true destination. Now, my father is a DEAR man and pretty savvy when it comes to computers, but he never learned to type so he had to hunt and peck his way through the search. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking! Surprisingly, I remained calm and patient and sure enough, he found out where I was SUPPOSED to be.

He tells me the address and I have never been happier to have a GPS system for my car. I typed in the address and bid my fabulous father farewell as I drove off. Naturally, I had PASSED the real audition site about 7.5 miles back.

Why, when I am in a particular hurry, do I always hit every red light? Still, I have some cushion and I'm on my way so I relax and try to do a quick vocal warm-up in the car.

I manage to reach my final destination (in spite of missing one turn), with 18 minutes to my audition appointment. I run into the rehearsal hall, check in with the stage manager, and fill out my paper work. Just as I'm finishing that up, she says it will be just a few minutes. Sure, I reply and head to the bathroom.

As I'm EXITING the bathroom, the stage manager is on top of me telling me it's my turn. WHAT? But it's EARLY! Still, I say okay, gather my sides, and head in.

It's a friendly enough room . . . the artistic director (whom I know), the director (whom I've heard of), and two readers. We make our introductions, chat about mutual acquaintances (the director even says he saw me in a show in DC . . . but that he didn't really remember it . . . so maybe that wasn't so friendly . . . to be told you're utterly forgettable before an audition . . . still, it was around 8 years ago so maybe I shouldn't take it so personally . . . but I digress) and then I read. They laugh at the end, which always relaxes me, and he says I'm good and I should begin again to get all my beats. Yeah, I had been a bit unnerved at the top due to not even having time to collect myself. So I repeat it, they laugh again, and I am free to go.

Now, if you read yesterday's entry, you know I was struggling with a dilemma. My solution was to say I could not stay for the singing audition (and to be fair, it is a 3.5 hour drive and I have to teach tomorrow!). They didn't ask any questions about it and so I just walked out and hit the road again.

So I am BACK and I have decided to enjoy a big glass of wine, whine a little to all of you about my day, and forget about doing any more work. I realize this means tomorrow will be an early start. But frankly, I am ready to sit back, cuddle with my animals, and do NOTHING.

Actually, I won't be doing nothing . . . I think I'll get started on the Artist's Way (finally!). This morning I had a moment of "coincidence" (Julia Cameron will call it something else as I recall) so I'm wondering if the energy in my life is already moving around some.

So no more whining . . . well, for now. But I think I will help myself to some more wine!

Yes, It Was Indeed One of Those Days

Yesterday didn't get any better. In fact, it got worse. How is that possible?

After cleaning up the dog vomit, I finally made it to campus where I continued to work on my syllabi. I plowed through for about 5 hours non-stop. Well, that's not entirely true. I was interrupted by a colleague, our Lighting Guy, and he sat right down and said, "So what's the deal with your Facebook status?" I had listed that I was sending off some job apps the day before and apparently he noticed. I guess he's just as in the dark about my search as I am. So I explained to him what was going on and he generously offered to help me out if he could. That was the BEST part of my day.

As I was putting the finishing touches on ONE of my two syllabi that need to get done, my Dept. Head stops in with information on an independent film being cast. Now, I submitted to it (quite late - the deadline issue extends beyond academic jobs), and read they were casting extras on Saturday. Apparently I was wrong. They were casting THAT day, Friday. So he gave me the casting agency info (they're out of KC) and said I should stop by. WHAT? I haven't showered, they're session is almost over, and I have no clue what the project is about.

But being the glutton for punishment that I am, I couldn't shake off the idea, so I got my shit together and went to the call.

BIG MISTAKE.

First of all, it was an appointments only call. So I was crashing the party. The young assistant was very sweet and asked the folks INSIDE if I could read. They accommodated me with a role and I spent the next hour prepping it. When it was finally my turn to read, I was THIRD to LAST of the day, uninvited, and the casting team was exhausted. When I was invited into the room, they didn't even introduce themselves, hooked a mic up to me, and I was slating and reading. I read - ONCE - and was told I could leave. I thanked them for seeing me, but as I left I wondered why I had even bothered.

By this time it was nearly 6pm and I needed to get home to the critters and feed myself (I forgot to eat lunch so I was starving). Though I still had a ton of work to do, I was feeling so miserable, I poured myself a glass of wine and fed the animals.

Lucky me - it was the CAT'S turn to vomit.

Yup, moments after Beatrice finished up her dinner she vomited. She travels too, so I got to clean up the entire laundry room and throw a bunch of rugs, towels, and blankets in the washing machine. Such fun.

That's when I gave the day up. I couldn't face doing anything else except check some e-mail and watch some bad TV.

Today has started better, but I'm actually debating cancelling tomorrow's callback in St. Louis. I have loads of good reasons: I still have a syllabus to prep, I haven't found an accompanist and I won't be able to learn the song before tomorrow, I've hardly reviewed my sides (though I did the show three years ago, I would be reading for a different role), and I still haven't gotten to the grocery store. If I go, that means I will be gone for probably around 12 hours or more if you include the travel time, a little cushion time, and the two callback times. So the entire day will be devoted to a potentially crappy audition. And after yesterday's crappy audition, I'm not feeling "in my art" so to speak and I just can't handle another let down.

Obviously, the not being PREPARED for tomorrow is my biggest concern. Isn't it better to have NO audition, than an unprepared, BAD one???

So I'm freaking out. And I'm looking for advice.

Because I don't want tomorrow to be another one of those days!!!!!

One of Those Days?

A few minutes ago, as I was sitting at my computer enjoying my morning java and iTunes, contemplating the day ahead and determining it was going to be better than yesterday, I heard the sound all dog owners dread: the sound of a dog vomiting. And as I gathered my strength to face the mess, I wondered "Is it going to be one of those days?"

I got to the mess and found not only Stella eating the vomited partially digested remains of her breakfast, but Buster too. Once I pulled the dogs off and sent them outside, I had the fun of cleaning the mess.

Maybe it's just MY dogs, but for some reason they choose to vomit on my rugs instead of the hardwood floors. Mind you, I only have TWO area rugs and the rest of the house is hardwood floors or tiles. It's mind-boggling! And they TRAVEL when they vomit, so it's not just one area of rug I have to clean, it's four or five. LOVELY.

So the initial cleaning is done. I am now waiting for the Nature's Miracle to dry so I can then vacuum my little rug and then steam clean it. Now that is something I couldn't live without: my Bissell steam cleaner. Seriously. It has saved my rugs on more occasions than I can count. So in a few moments I will once again save my rug from the landfill with I think the best pet-related investment I have ever made.

Until then, I once again begin to contemplate my day. Yesterday, though somewhat productive, ended badly. I managed to get three job applications finished and mailed, but still have one that needs to be filed online and I am running into snags with the letters of rec. Most of you know I find the whole academic job search arcane and insane, but what is particularly aggravating to me is the fact that there is not one standard way to submit. Each school creates its own rules and regulations for their job application process and it drives me mad. For example, knowing I was going to be conducting another job hunt, rather than bother my references for letters all the time, I chose to have them write one letter and submit it Interfolio. Though costly for me (it costs $4 per letter to be sent, and most schools require a minimum of three), it seemed worth it to guarantee they were written and would arrive on time. As these are confidential letters of rec, I don't have a copy.

But some schools require you submit electronically. Now, I have finally scanned some documents that weren't uploading with their formatting, so I've managed to tackle THAT problem. But one school is now requiring these letters of rec be submitted with all of my other paperwork and I wonder how the hell I'm supposed to do that. I mean, these letters are confidential! How is it I'm supposed to have a copy to submit??? GRRRR. So, it looks like I need to go back to my amazing, kind references and bug them yet again. It pisses me off.

Still, I'm making progress. By the time I get my ducks in a row it will be summer and next job hunt they'll change or add another hurdle.

By the time I got home, I had a debilitating headache.

And what greeted me upon my return? Not one, but TWO chewed remotes: one for the TV, one for the cable box. Good God! I wanted to kill Stella, but my head hurt too much and I realized I was the dummy that left them on the trunk that serves as my coffee table. So, once again, I need to learn to be smarter than my dog. This, of course, means I need to go replace the cable remote AGAIN for another $25. Stella is doing her best to leave me penniless. I believe the counts go as following:

Stella 3, Remotes 0
Stella 3, pairs of shoes 0
Stella 4, dog beds 0
Stella 1, Extreme Kong 0
Stella 1, Sarah's pink boa sweater 0

There is much more, but I can't face the tally without crying in frustration.

Still, I'm keeping my sense of humor about it. I mean, maybe Stella eating the remote is the Universe's way of saying give up the cable. Believe me, it crossed my mind last night. And perhaps the boa sweater I thought was so fab really needed to be removed from my wardrobe. And perhaps the shoes were old (though I still grieve my Teva's).

Anyway, by the time I had dealt with the dogs and cats and my dinner, my headache was so bad I just went to bed.

So this morning, I had high hopes for a better day.

But the rug needs cleaning, I have two syllabi to finish, an accompanist to find, a song and scene to prep, and groceries to buy. SIGH.

It is going to be one of those days?

The Artist's Way

I'm sure those that know me are laughing at my title, knowing already I am ONCE AGAIN, travelling down the crazy path of the Artist's Way. I have been down this path numerous times and have yet to actually FINISH IT.

Well, laugh it up. It doesn't matter. In this winter of my discontent, I am needing something to ground me and lead me toward a happier, more fulfilling life. The Artist's Way has helped me each time I've pursued it, regardless of not finishing.

The closest I came to finishing was a good 7 or 8 years ago, I think. I was living the freelance actor life in DC and was unhappy with my lack of success. I returned to The Artist's Way out of desperation (as I recall) and it turned my life and career around.

So I am looking for a similar jump-start. And after a quick IM with a good friend, we decided to take the plunge together and meet online once a week to discuss our progress. Of course, with my current track record, I have my doubts, but none-the-less I am doing it now and that's a start.

The hardest part for me is MAKING the time to do the things that are required. As busy as I am, and with classes starting next week, I wonder how I can fit in the morning pages, the artist date, and the tasks on top of my teaching, directing, and what I hope will be a regular running schedule (oh yeah, and Stella's obedience training and my job hunt). WHEW.

Still, what I remember from my past experiences on this 12-step program for recovering artists (Julia Cameron's comparison, not mine!), is that it actually gets easier.

So I'm off on the journey yet again, hoping to find my way. Anybody else care to join me?

Getting the Motor Running

I just can't seem to get going! I got up, ran with the dogs, had some breakfast and coffee, showered, and am surprised to see it is already 10:35! How does this happen?

And though I managed to get several things done yesterday, I still have to finish my grocery shopping and pick up some stuff at Petsmart. Am I moving in slow motion or something?

Today I head off to campus. Ugh. As I was drying my hair, I started thinking of all the things on my list and felt my heart rate go way up. Not good. And before I go THERE, I need to stop by the mall (oh joy oh rapture) for a quick stop in Claire's. My last nose stud dropped onto the floor this morning and after searching for a good 15 minutes, I gave it up for lost. Once dropped, I almost NEVER find the little suckers.

I need a jump start! Any ideas?

Home Sweet Home

Okay, so I missed yesterday's update . . . but frankly after my 11 hour drive all I wanted to do was get settled back into the house, feed the critters, feed me, and CRASH. Which was pretty much all I did. Oh, and call some folks to let them know I was home.

Yesterday was a long day of driving. But, as PhD wished, the dog gate made a HUGE difference! Buster managed to weasel his way forward once, but when I stopped at a rest area to walk the dogs, I returned him to the back and plugged the "holes" he could escape through. From then on, all was quiet and safe. The cats were crated and, for the most part, all animals slept most of the trip.

So I am getting a slow start this Monday. I have taken the dogs to the park, finished unpacking, gone through the mail, and started my grocery list . . . but those aren't really even on my "to-do" list! And it's 11 AM. SIGH. Well, I decided yesterday that today would be my "take care of house things" day: unpacking, organizing for the upcoming year, grocery shopping, etc. So even though I am not moving quickly, I am moving in the right direction.

Tomorrow I return to campus. My list there is long and really must get done: respond to student grade complaints (pain in the ass - there are two of them), prep this coming semester's syllabi, plan for a conference I'm attending in March, and get back on the job hunt.

Though I'm mostly calm, I am starting to get a little concerned. I didn't make the finalist list for a job in Connecticut . . . so that has me concerned. And I still haven't heard from the others. Plus, with all the craziness this semester, I've missed some deadlines. So I really MUST get my act together and get some applications in! That will be later in the week.

I also need to prep for my callback in St. Louis. That happens on Sunday. I'm a bit nervous . . . it has been some time since I've auditioned! But I'm looking forward to seeing the fight guy and just exercising my audition muscle.

Finally, I need to spend some time with my Oedipus translation! I mean, I go into rehearsal in a MONTH. I am not even close to ready. Still, I know I'll get there . . . I just need the time and quiet to do it.

But that's all in the days to come. For now, I am just happy I am home in my sweet home.

Heading Home

My time in Atlanta has come to an end. H (recently renamed Whole Wheat) is gaining strength daily and after a brief discussion, we determined it would be fine for me to leave.

Though I am sad to leave the family, it will be good to get home. I have a long "to-do" list and only five days in which to do it. I'll be busy this coming week.

But I can get the critters back home and back to their routine (though Stella is going to really miss the kids - I could use a kid or two back home just to wear her out!). And I can get on my own new routine, too. So heading home is good. If only I didn't have the 12 hour drive between here and there!

Limbo

Another quiet morning in Atlanta. My brother is at work and most of the kids are still sleeping (my niece was awakened by Stella this morning - it's really cute how tight they've become). I think H may be padding around now . . . at least I saw their dog outside so that's the assumption I've made.

It's raining here today. SIGH. I'm bummed as I was looking forward to a nice long walk this morning. But I'm going to hold off and see if the rain doesn't let up.

My brother and I had a great hike yesterday. They live really near a FABULOUS network of bike paths in the woods and we've been visiting there regularly since my arrival. It makes me really miss DC and Rock Creek Park. My new home has nothing like that anywhere nearby. Certainly there are hiking trails, but none that are easily accessed. That's another reason I'm not sure staying where I am is a good idea. Not that I even have that option at this point, but as a finalist for this "on hold" position, I do need to really consider what it would mean to say yes to stay there.

I realize nothing is permanent - LOL - I'm the QUEEN of nothing is permanent! Still, should I say yes to this position I imagine I would want to put in a few years. At my age, a few years seems like a long time . . . can I afford it?

The natural surroundings aren't the only reason I debate staying. I miss urban living so much. It's nearly a physical want now. And I'm far away from all the people who are truly important in my life: my family and my closest friends.

I also think about the fact that I am three hours away from any real artistic community and that makes the tenure process extremely difficult. SIGH. Yes, I'm putting the cart before the horse, but one needs to sit on all these things at this stage in the game.

I've applied to a position at a university near my beloved DC and am bummed I haven't heard anything. Of course, they may also be dealing with the economic downturn and have had to put their search on hold, too. In fact, I haven't heard from any other place to which I've applied! This concerns me because by this time last year I had conducted a few phone interviews, had visited one campus, and was scheduled to visit one more. I wonder if the market is especially competitive this year because of the economy and I'm just not as desirable a commodity or if everything has just paused.

So I remain in limbo, continue to search for positions, and wonder what the future will hold. I am remaining positive however! Limbo isn't a bad place to be if you think of it as a place full of potential!

Clean Slate

Well, I am dismayed at how long it has been since my last post . . . but the end of 2008 was a wild ride.

I hosted my friend K and several colleagues for Turkey Day and though it was pleasant, I missed my DC Thanksgivings desperately. My reasons are pretty silly and petulant, but suffice to say it just wasn't the same crowd and nobody here knew "the rules" (which is just to say the day was completely different than how it evolved in DC). Seeing K and catching up with her was truly the highlight of the break.

A few days after Turkey Day, I found ANOTHER stray. Yup. My third since moving to my new home. Well, he was a MESS, but I got him cleaned up and promptly fell in love with him. One of my students said he looked like a cute little Wilford Brimley - he had a name! Though I adored this little shih-tzu, I knew I couldn't keep him so I spent the next three weeks trying to find Brimley a new home. In the end, I found a home for him at in Stella's new obedience class. I hated to let him go . . . I still miss the little fella . . . but I believe he has found a very good home and for that I am grateful.

Of course, the end of the semester is nutty anyway, and to make it even crazier, I held auditions for Oedipus which I'm directing in the spring. So the last three nights of official class days, I was dealing with being a director. It was fun, but exhausting.

When I got home late the final night of auditions, there was a cryptic message on my voice mail left by my mother. You know the kind, left in a serious tone that says nothing other than she needed to speak to me about something and I should call "no matter what time." That's never good. So I call and wake up both my mother and father and am told that my sister-in-law, H, is in the hospital with double pneumonia and "a kidney problem." Ugh. So I hang up, thankful she's being cared for but concerned for her, my brother, and their kids.

The next day, a dead day on campus and also my birthday, I spent in meetings and on the phone trying to get information on H. One of her lungs had collapsed and that "kidney problem" was actually early renal failure so she was placed on a ventilator and went into a long sleep. She was VERY ILL. I also heard that the job search, for which I am a finalist, is now on an indefinite hold, and the funding I had to go spend a week on at my Alexander training center was pulled. SIGH. Happy Birthday, huh? So far, I'm not impressed with the birthdays in my 40s!

The next week was really a blur of finals, grading, and staying up to date on H's condition. Once grades were in, I cleaned my house, got all my dogs groomed (the fleas are STILL persisting - AAAAHHH), packed, and left for Atlanta to be with my brother and his family. On the nearly 12 hour drive to Atlanta (with THREE DOGS and TWO CATS mind you), I got a text message from my brother that said something like, "the surgery went well." HUH? My reply was, "surgery"?! Come to find out, the docs went in and scraped the infection off H's lung. Gross, but good. Of course, there was a lot more going on with H that I've skipped over - stints and draining fluid and weaning her from the ventilator - but that would take too long.

I arrived in Atlanta wiped out from the drive (the dogs were NUTS, especially Zoe who is normally a very good traveler. I have purchased a dog gate for the return trip, if that tells you anything) but glad to be at ground zero.

The next day, I visited H and got to be there when they transferred her out of ICU - woot! From there, it was a short day of recovery and she was sent home on Christmas Eve. Surely the best present for my family!

So I've been in Atlanta since then. It's been quite a visit with 4 dogs, 2 cats, 3 kids, 3 grandparents, and a patient! My folks left the weekend after Christmas and H's mom left just a short while ago.

The kids are still sleeping off their New Year "celebration" - watching space chimps, drinking three soda's, and staying up to see the ball drop - so the office is quiet and I have time to consider the year ahead.

I'm not so good at resolutions. If I make them, I always feel badly when I don't see them through. Still, one likes to think about the potential that lies in a new year. It's kind of like a clean slate or a "do-over", isn't it?

So, were I to make some resolutions for 2009 (I'm still struggling to fathom nine years have passed since I rang in 2000), these might be a sampling:

1. Work - well, first, FIND some for when this job is up in May. But also get organized and embrace being in academia. A part of me has resisted this move to academia . . . and it's time to let that go and embrace being an educator.

2. Social - in spite of my lack of love life, I'm going off match.com and eHarmony. Today in fact. I just don't have the time to devote to the search. And to be perfectly honest, it isn't as much fun as it used to be. It feels too much like work! Still, I will remain optimistic that SOMETHING will change for me in 2009.

3. Fitness - the good news is, my running partner, the artist, is still committed to running! And I have gone running with my brother here. So I just need to find a few races to register for . . . starting small with the artist (she has never run a race longer than 5K) and ending with what I hope will be another marathon. Hula Ladies - name some races 'cause I want to go somewhere!

4. Travel - speaking of GOING somewhere . . . it is time for a big trip to some place exotic. And that doesn't mean it has to be warm and tropical - exotic could be Russia!

5. Health - well, what this really boils down to is shopping better and cooking more. I'm not sure how that will play out once I go into rehearsal for Oedipus, but we'll see.

6. Friends - I want to stay in touch more actively! And I need to plan visits . . . lots of visits. Also, lifestudent mentioned in her blog a while back about a site that supports daily blogging. Now, based on my track record most of you will LAUGH at the thought of my blogging daily, but I'm putting it out there. Keep me honest, friends.

7. Art - well, as my work is now in academia, it is time to think of my professional performing as art. True, art rarely happens, but I'm thinking a twist on how I think about it may breathe new life into a stale, stagnant "career". I am making early strides . . . I have a callback in just over a week in St. Louis and I have been chosen to be an actor at the Mid-America Theatre Conference in March. I will be working with a playwright, director, dramaturg, and other actors on a new work. I am really looking forward to it!

So that's about it . . . no out and out RESOLUTIONS per se, but some ideas about approaching this new year, this clean slate, with new energy and enthusiasm.