Serenity NOW!

I'm sure many of you remember the old Seinfeld quote. How many times have you shouted "serenity now" and meant it? I have been shouting it for about a week now.

I have been shouting it due to visitors to the pink house. I become my mother (more so than I already have become) when expecting visitors and I can really feel my blood pressure rise! For some reason, when expecting new visitors to the house, I need to have it perfect: spotless, uncluttered, organized, and pretty. My housemate doesn't exactly share my views. So I get neurotic and crazy.

One of my bosses was the first to visit last week. Just for an evening, but he keeps a well-appointed home and the pressure was on. I was so happy - and relieved - that he approved of the pink house.

My housemate's boyfriend was next - for three days. Then my housemate's mother - for a week (she's still here). They are very pleasant people, yet virtually strangers to me so it is stressful playing "hostess" to them. The thing is, my housemate has made it clear I don't need to be "hostess". So I have no role yet visitors in my home. I can't seem to make that work for myself and my stress level has shot through the roof. On top of that, I'm expecting my parents to visit the house for the first time on Saturday - before my housemate's mother leaves. So this weekend I needed an escape - I needed "serenity now!"

I have been running regularly and on Sunday escaped to the C & O Canal with Zoe. We ran nearly six miles - and Zoe once again set a mean pace on the return trip. She is a different dog at the canal! It was a beautiful start to a beautiful day. Later, Zoe joined a friend of mine and me on a trip to Serenity Farm in Benedict, Maryland.

Serenity Farm is one of my favorite places (Zoe's too). It truly lives up to its name. It is owned and operated by the father of a dear friend and I used to be a regular visitor there. I have spent holidays and weekends and random days off wandering the dirt path to the Patuxeunt River while Zoe chased farm animals, ran in and out of the crops, and took a long swim. When I go there magically the troubles racing through my mind slow or disappear. It was sunny and warm on Sunday and with the exception of Zoe trying (and nearly succeeding) to catch a baby goat in her mouth, uneventful and typically peaceful. I relax just thinking about it.

I also enjoyed some "serenity now" yesterday in a number of ways. First, I returned to Hot Yoga so it looks as if I am hooked. I have to admit, it's one hell of a workout. The friend who introduced me to it joined me again and I thought at the end of the workout she was in need of a salt pill! Aside from 15+ mile runs in the heat and humidity of August, I have never sweat so much! It's fabulous, and a solid hour and a half workout. As you might imagine, it rids the body of lots of toxins - physical, mental, and emotional.

Zoe and I also went to a cookout. Pretty standard activity for Memorial Day. And of course it rained. Also pretty standard for Memorial Day. Yet my friends and I had a blast - and ate SO WELL. I believe food with friends is my favorite way to relax. We laughed a lot, drank plenty of red wine (and our naughty host poured me TWO tequila shots), and ate and ate. The best was crashing at a friend's house. Zoe and I were so wiped out we hardly moved all night - and we were cozy on a small pull-out! It was a perfect getaway from a home with visitors . . . just a quiet place where nothing needed to be taken care of and I could rest and relax. I truly enjoyed some "serenity now."

So today I returned to the pink house. I feel much better about the visitor and expected visitors. Of course I'm still finding escapes - reasons not to be home. But when I am there, I think I will be able to handle the stress a little better.

And come Sunday when all visitors have left, I can find "serenity now" where I usually find it - at the pink house.

The Root of All Evil

It has been said that money is the root of all evil. And today is one of those days that I agree.

I believe money is the thing about which I stress most. I work three jobs most of the time in order to live "well" (which is a relative term). I live comfortably in a very nice pink house with a friend and two dogs. I can keep food in my refrigerator and I can go out with my friends and I can even buy plants for the garden. So, by my standards, I live well.

I don't need cable. I don't need high speed internet. I don't need lots of new, expensive clothes (I shop Payless, Target, Ross, Marshalls, etc.). I don't need a new car or new furniture. I don't need a lot of what I consider luxeries.

Money has never motivated me. Duh - I work in the theatre. And my other jobs are non-profit. There are things more important to me: being passionate about my work (or at least much of the time), feeling I'm connecting to people, enjoying work, and not having to take my work home with me!

So why is money, on this day, the root of all evil? Because my housemate is in negotiations for a new job which will pay her a TON of money. If she gets what she is negotiating, she will make more in two months than I make in a year.

I am happy for her. And yet I'm pissed off, too. And admitedly, I'm a wee bit jealous.

This country has a skewed value system. This is not to diminish what my housemate does. On the contrary. It just confounds me why teachers, those in non-profit, artists, and those of the same ilk are so undervalued monetarily. Yet teachers hold our future in their hands . . . and non-profits serve in numerous ways, and artists push the boundaries of cultural ideals and ideas. What survives from ancient culture and is celebrated?

I think of the money she will be making and what I could do with it. I could start checking things off my someday list, that's for sure. I wouldn't have to work three jobs at any given time. I could buy a house. I could travel. I could donate more to the charities dear to my heart.

And yet it's a trade-off, isn't it? A wise friend and co-worker said to me, as we took a break to get a cup of coffee, the passion, joy, and fun I have at work (in essence my "pleasure") is worth all that extra money.

Would I sacrifice Wookie crank calls and Popple talk for that kind of cash?

Never.

Nightmares

Confession: I have been having . . .

bad dreams was the way the post read if I recall correctly.

Sadly, in my desire to deal with formatting issues I LOST the post.

Basically, I said I'd been having nightmares regularly and even linked an article about nightmares to the post. One very bad dream I mentioned ended in Zoe getting hit by a car. Not pretty and very upsetting to say the least.

I'll see if I can't recreate the post at some point down the road.

BUMMER.

Commercial Free Radio

This is my favorite online radio station - and it's commercial free!

DC has the WORST radio stations which is surprising considering it's size and "sophistication" - not to mention a ton of young people at the area colleges and working on the Hill. The radio stations here have shallow play lists and are clearly a buyout by Disney or another version of "THE MAN".

I miss the radio stations I listened to in New England (WRNX, WBOS, etc.) and tried - successfully for a short while - to listen to them online. Fortunately, I have found mvyradio - no surprise it's also from New England - Martha's Vineyard to be exact (you can't get much more New England than that). It's amazing how music can make your work day more bearable. My co-workers and I are really happy to have this to help the time go by pleasantly.

I remember getting my first clock radio and how GREAT that was. My radio was on whenever I was in my room. I knew the lyrics to all of the popular songs and sang with abandon to the likes of the BeeGees and Olivia Newton-John. Then my brother took me aside and - wisely - schooled me on the greats of rock and roll: the Beatles, the Who, etc. Though he probably doesn't know it, he opened the door for my discovery of all kinds of music. World music. Which is why radio stations with a single theme or shallow playlists make me crazy. Ideally, I'd have an ipod and a ton of money to download an incredibly eclectic combination of music. For now, I'm happy to have found this. And it's commercial free!

I've tried running with music. I can't do it. Isn't that odd? The problem being I always want to run to the rhythm established by the song - not always good when trying to develop a dependable pace.

I'm sure the motivating factor of music would help me on long runs MENTALLY. I think that's why I'm a more successful runner when I have people to join me. I'm very lucky to have some consistent running partners (besides Zoe). One running partner in particular has gotten me through EVERY SINGLE MARATHON I've run. He's one of my heroes and I will write about him down the road

Green Thumb

I absolutely love our backyard. It's small, but has a deck and a couple of raised box planters as well as several round planters. It is an oasis for me . . . I spend each morning diligently spraying the aphids off of the rosebush and, as long as the weather cooperates, drinking my morning coffee.

Yesterday, after running with Zoe (we didn't make it to the canal, but we ran two loops of the cemetery) and joining my housemate for a walk, she (my housemate) and I went to Fragers Hardware for some plants.

I was in heaven! And more than a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice. I don't do well with the buffet.

After spending lots of time and money, we took our precious cargo home and I spent a glorious day in the garden.

The weather was PERFECT: mostly sunny and probably in the 70s. It took quite some time and wrestling to get rid of most of the weeds - I ran out of steam and will have fight that battle more regularly (like I do the aphids). I then planted an herb garden with basil, apple mint, chive, and parsley (we already have sage, rosemary, and fennel). I also put two tomato plants into the planter with marigolds and then potted some snapdragons, begonias, some lambs ear (new to me!), some wormwood (also new to me!), a salvia (empire purple - stunning), and some zinnias. FUN! Already in the garden was an azalea from a friend's wedding, some wildflowers and cutting flowers, and some plants I don't know!

I tried planting some things in the front yard, which is also lovely, but the ground is like CLAY so I gave up.

I'm not certain everything will survive. My mother is an amazing gardener, but I'm not certain that talent hasn't skipped my generation like so many of her other talents (sewing, quilting, family photo albums, cooking, etc.). Regardless, it will be fun to try to keep the garden growing.

And to find peace and quiet there.

Black Coffee

Mmmmm . . . I love a good cup of Joe. I love the smell, the taste, and let's face it - the caffeine sure helps get me started in the morning. Every morning.

I managed to give it up a few times - once for as long as six months. I started drinking green tea, which I know is better for me, but when I smelled the coffee brewing at the beach my first morning of vacation I couldn't resist.

Did I mention I have absolutely no will power?

My "evil" devil-dip-bearing co-worker brews coffee throughout the day. It's a good thing we don't work EVERY shift together or you'd be peeling me off the ceiling. She's so evil she brought in a one pound dark chocolate bar and a spray can of whipped cream yesterday. BAD BAD BAD! Of course after eating more of the huge bag of Lays chips (and the remnants of the dip) I had to partake of the chocolate and whipped cream.

Remember, I have absolutely no will power.

This morning she brought in homemade blueberry bread. Good heavens! How am I supposed to resist this?

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WILL POWER!

I need help. I need help desperately.

Actually, what I need is to go for a run. Not only do I run for social reasons, but also because I can then eat whatever the hell I want! Guilt-free pleasure. If I want ice cream, I get ice cream. If I want mozzarella cheese sticks, I get a double order. If I want nachos, I get to eat an entire order on my own - with extra cheese, guacamole, and sour cream.

So much for my resolve to eat healthy!

The good news is I have found, I hope, a new running partner. A friend and co-worker, who is currently working out of state but returns next month, wants to start running with me. I'm so excited! She just moved near me and if I can convince her to run in the mornings then I'm set. One co-worker helps put the pounds on, one helps take them off. Yin Yang.

Other good news: my housemate has returned and I can now run with just one not-so-enthusiastic canine. So tomorrow morning I begin (again) to train more seriously. I think Zoe and I will visit the canal for inspiration.

And for breakfast I can enjoy an egg and cheese sandwich guilt-free. And a big mug of black coffee.

Rain, Rain, Go Away . . .

. . . come again when I can sleep in!

There's nothing like sleeping in on a rainy morning, is there?Too bad I had to get up. And of course, the dogs don't care if it's raining or not - walk time is walk time! So I gear up and head out in the pouring rain.

It's actually not too bad if you're dressed for it. I have waterproof pants and jacket. The only thing I don't have is duck boots. Remember duck boots???

I suppose it's time to embrace the rain. I'll be running in it, no doubt, during my training. I remember one brutal 18-miler in the cold rain a couple of years back. I've already mentioned I tend to be cold most of the time, right? Imagine me running for about 3 hours in the cold rain. I couldn't keep my leg muscles warm . . . it was one of the worst runs I've ever had.

Hmm . . . I'm sounding grumpy. I'm not, really. I like the rain. It's good for the flowers. I even enjoy walking the dogs in the rain. It's walking to WORK in the rain that sucks. I mean think of it; you dress "nicely" and by the time you get to work, your socks squish inside your shoes and your pants are soaked from the mid-thigh down. It gives "casual Friday" a whole new meaning when you've stripped down to your skivies in order to dry your pants out!

I'm looking forward to the warmer, dryer weather. Is it just me, or has this been an unusually cool spring for DC? Of course, now that I've said that, we're going to skip the 70 - 80 degree weather entirely and jump from 60 to 90!

Ahhh . . . summer in DC. Hot, humid, code red air quality days . . . I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it. Of course the tears aren't from the longing for those lazy, hazy days - they're from the smog burning my eyes.

Hasn't anybody heard of public transportation? Or riding your bike? Or walking?

There's been a lot of talk about gas prices lately . . . and what we can do about our consumption of fuel. Umm . . . haven't the solutions been clear for a long time? I mention three in the previous paragraph. Get out of your Hummer and onto your bike. I mean really, this isn't the Gulf War! But no, let's go destroy one of our last pristine places so those Hummer owners can fill their gas tanks and get a tax break in the process!

Don't get me started . . . NOW I'm grumpy.

I know how to cool off . . . I'll go for a walk . . . in the rain.

Freakonomics and French Onion Dip

Helluva Good French Onion Dip is the devil. Or maybe my co-worker who brought it into work with a huge bag of Lays chips is. Or maybe both.

Or maybe I just have absolutely no WILL POWER.

There is no question I have now consumed all of my daily allowance of fat and salt. And I just keep eating. And I will be so disappointed when it is all gone.

Would I have eaten any had my co-worker left it at home? No. I only buy it when my brother's family is in town (clearly the love of this dip runs in the family - my niece and nephews are practically addicted to the stuff). So who's really to blame???

Okay, I know it's me. But isn't it funny to consider it the other way? That's what intrigues me so much about Freakonomics. I'm not really comparing my french onion dip dilemma to the more serious ideas raised in Freakonomics, but since they were both on my mind I figured I'd try to connect the two. No doubt that "rogue economist" Mr. Levitt could do it!

I really think Freakonomics is worth a read. I've only read excerpts, but hope the book will be a part of my summer "reading list." I know Mr. Levitt has angered a lot of folks with his ideas, but aren't "new ideas" almost always met with anger and suspicion? Think of so many of our great (and sometimes scary) thinkers, artists, philosophers, and scientists and the resistance they met. Creation, in all of its forms, can be (and more often than not IS) a painful process.

I say, before you have a knee jerk reaction to the idea that legalized abortion reduced the crime rate, consider the facts Mr. Levitt presents and then come to your own conclusion. Open your mind long enough to LISTEN to (or in this case READ) what he has to say. I'm not sure I'll like everything he has to say, but that shouldn't stop me from at least hearing him out.

If what I read upsets me, I should do two things - consider WHY it upsets me - and go get some Helluva Good French Onion Dip.

Live for Today

Okay, so the Today Show is doing this series on what to do before you die. They've compiled a list based on viewer response of the top 50 things people want to do before they die.

I have a list too. I call it my Someday List.

Someday I'll own a house.
Someday I'll travel the world.
Someday I'll date again.

You get the picture.

My someday list is long - much longer than 50 things - and I begin to wonder if maybe I'm not pursuing what's on the list aggressively enough. How does one go about checking things OFF the list? I mean, let's consider the limitations.

Unlike the Today Show - I don't have an unending supply of MONEY to do most of the things on my list (such as travel and buy a house). I don't have control over my career in the sense that I can't cast myself in whatever I please. I don't have control over my love life because I can't force somebody to like me (and I refuse to be somebody I'm not in order to get them to like me). Do I sound pessimistic? Self-defeatist?

Actually, I'm not. If I were, I would have thrown out the someday list a long time ago! I'm an optimist and believe I will be able to put check marks next to a lot of items. Sometimes, it's fun to look at the things I HAVE done.

I have traveled - more than many. I have been to England, Ireland, Greece, Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Mexico and easily half the states in the continental US.
I have worked as an actor - and though I haven't performed on Broadway, I have made people laugh, cry, and think.
I have loved - and lost - twice. No shame in that.
I have been to college. I have been to graduate school.
I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.
I have climbed Pikes Peak.
I have hiked the Grand Canyon.
I have explored the ruins of Tulum.
I have skied - both snow and water.
I have learned to sail - and capsize - and turtle - and recover - a small sailboat (the Wiggin family will now comment).
I have snorkeled a barrier reef off Key West.
I have ridden a horse and a motorcycle.
I have roller-bladed and ice-skated.
And so on and so forth.

Some of the things I have done don't seem like much to probably most of your reading this . . . but I've had so many more opportunities than so many people . . . I have to recognize them as such.

I have run a marathon. I have run five.

HUH? Is that really on the list? Well . . . it's on the Today Show's list!

And I'm now preparing to run my sixth. And guess what - in the process I get to check more things off my list! Hawaii. Checking out a volcano. Surfing. Para-sailing. A whole slew of adventures thought of and not.

I'm definitely living for today.

119th Street and Walk Back

.

(recreated post on 9/23/05)

That was an expression we used to have when I ran Shawnee Mission South X-Country. We would run out to 119th Street and because it was all farm land out there we could easily get away with walking back part of the way without coach catching us.

I joined cross country because I had a brother and sister who were competitive runners and let's face it, I'm a joiner. I ran for social reasons. I ran because it seemed like fun . . . and there was a boy. There's ALWAYS a boy! He was a year ahead of me, our top runner, and had the most amazing eyes you'd ever see. In two years I don't think I said two words to him. Typical.

It's funny to think of the time when 119th had horses, cows, and buffalo - it's now a divided four lane road with Olive Gardens and Targets. It looks like every other major suburban road in the country. When we moved out to Kansas we were as far south as you could get from the city. Our sub-division was on a cross roads where the other three corners were farm land. Like 119th Street, the area has grown and when we moved away sixteen years later it was also four over-developed lanes.

Shawnee Mission - by the time we got there it was no longer a mission and, to my knowledge, there were no Shawnees. I grew up in a place with few minorities. In fact, you could probably count the number of minorities that went to my high school (a school with over 1800 students) on two hands. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but not by much. In my own circle of high school friends, I consider myself lucky to have befriended one Iranian (escaped the revolution in 1980 with her family) and one first generation Indian.

How far I've traveled from that Red State in the middle of the country - literally, figuratively, and ideologically. I don't get back there much at all now that my family has moved away. In fact, it's been six years since I've been back. There is little besides my friends pulling me to visit. My 20 year reunion is next summer (which makes me want to vomit) and I wonder if I'll go. A few years back I went on a cruise with some of my old high school friends and discovered we had little in common anymore. They are all married with children and frankly, don't know what to make of me. To be fair, I don't know what to make of them. We spoke mostly of the old Shawnee Mission South days . . . and laughed a lot, but never really talked about our current lives - or anything else. I was happy to have a DC friend along.

I suppose long distance applies to more than just running.