Against the Wind

This morning I was running against the wind. Seems like a metaphor for my life the past six weeks or so.

Yeah, I ran on a Sunday instead of Saturday as I had to be in Urbana yesterday for a special "make-up" class for Alexander. And since TNT Coach T was going to be there both mornings, I decided today would be the better day.

So I showed up . . . and nobody else . . . except Coach T. It was very strange! It was a beautiful morning (aside from the wind); I suppose the small number of runners total makes a difference and many ran the Indy Half yesterday so I can understand. It was still strange.

Coach T is a great guy and a life-long runner. You can tell, too. He's very fit - looks like a runner - long and lean and not an ounce of fat on him.

So we gave folks a few extra minutes and decided to take off for our five-miler. It's pretty intimidating to run with the Coach! However, off we went and chatted as we put the miles behind us. Going out wasn't too bad - it was coming back. Coach set a brisker pace than I usually run at the top, but not impossible for me. I felt pretty good at the half-way mark where we drank a little water and then turned around. That's when we hit the wind. UGH.

Coach didn't let up the pace and I wasn't about ready to cave at only five miles despite the strong headwind. Yeah, my ego took over and I made myself hang in there with him. Though I could feel it at the end, I was really glad I did 'cause Coach complimented me (yeah, I'm a glutton for praise and punishment) on my steady pace and admitted he figured he'd lose me after the turn-around. Strange way to "motivate" but I'll take it!

Wish I had a Coach T for my life. As I said, it feels as if I've been in a headwind for a while now. Though I have friends who are supporting me (and for whom I am deeply grateful), I feel very alone here . . . especially in regards to all the craziness at work. I would love a Coach there by my side, helping me along, telling me how to handle the pain and the confusion. There have been times these past few weeks I've wanted to run back . . . with the wind at my back to what I know and love. Yet I feel there has got to be SOMETHING worthwhile at the end of this run!

I don't know how much longer I can push against all the crap. I know I'm strong enough to push for a long time, but when is it no longer worth it? I mean, I heard from friends in DC who are - SADLY - leaving DC but vacating a fabulous, affordable apartment in a great location. NOW would be the time to jump on it . . . but until I reach the finish line here, I don't feel I can. I just keep running against that wind, wondering what the hell I'm going to find at the end.

SIGH. So I'll hang in there. Surely it's easier to fight what I'm fighting than what those for whom I'm running fight against every day.

Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. I saw the University's production of Our Town last night and thinking back on it I remember Emily's famous quote: "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?" I should be embracing the everyday . . . even the hard parts . . . and take nothing for granted. After all, I am among those who can run against the wind - literally and figuratively.