An Unlucky Occurrence

Okay, so last week I set out, as promised, for my 10 mile run. It was Saturday morning, a little after 6 AM, and it was already pretty warm with high humidity. I decided to follow the route that had me pass the house regularly so I could drink Gatorade during the run.

In spite of the Gatorade planning, I made four critical mistakes:

1. I ran my nine miles the Tuesday before my Saturday 10-miler.
2. I ate poorly the night before (this I discovered in hindsight and have now added a few foods to my "not the night before a long run meal" list).
3. I chose to sleep longer instead of get up and eat.
4. The route I chose, which is like a figure eight with my house in the middle, did not have bathroom at one end of the eight.

Perhaps you can guess what happened, but in the running world it is referred to as the "trots."

I ran the first two miles and was feeling pretty good in spite of the heat. I stopped for a quick sip of Gatorade (which, also in hindsight, was probably more than a sip and therefor too much), and ran three more. I could definitely feel the heat now, but I stopped again, drank too much Gatorade AGAIN, and headed out for another two mile loop. I was into my 7th mile, when I felt some kicking in my bowels and no bathroom in sight. In fact, the closest bathroom was my house and it was just under a mile away.

I thought, for about 30 seconds, I could get to the house. Clearly I was delirious from the heat. When my head started to really hear what the nether regions had been yelling at it, I remembered seeing some portable bathrooms adjacent to a soccer field in a nearby park. The fact that I hadn't noticed them when I ran by twice before that morning didn't register. I just prayed hard and walked funny as quickly as possible in the correct direction.

When I got to the clearing and soccer field, I could not see them. I was desperate at this point and tried to find a way to get into the copse of trees lining the field. Of course, it was all terribly overgrown and I new I was in trouble. My eyes landed on an island of tall grass nearby the trees and I just made my way to it. It gave me some "privacy" but at that point, all modesty was gone. I pulled down my shorts and pretended to be bear. While squatting, I saw those portable bathrooms: pushed over and laying on their backs. A hell of a lot of good they do in THAT position!

I was naturally relieved, but horrified too. I have NEVER had this happen to me as a runner. I have heard horror stories from friends and family, but figured I was one of the lucky ones. Not anymore. I guess I just chock it up to experience and hold on to the lessons learned.

Ultimately, I finished the run. It wasn't even remotely pretty.

This Saturday, I am scheduled to run 12. I have been keeping up with my maintenance runs and will have rested on Friday. I will get up an hour early, eat a small breakfast, drink one cup of coffee, make sure my bowels are EMPTY, and sip my Gatorade. Oh, and on Friday night, I plan to eat brown rice, veggies, and either fish or tofu.

And pray I'm lucky once again.