Mixed Bag

I have a bunch of things to post so I just figured I'd put them all together in a mixed bag today. Please bear with my babble - which no doubt will often be incoherent and endless (what else is new?).

So my trip to New Hampshire and Maine was just great. I had hoped I would mobile blog more, but I was too busy enjoying myself to really care about posting. I DID manage to run four mornings with the Boys (my nephew, my brother, and my brother-in-law). By the final run, however, my left shin was really troubling me. SIGH.

The family vacation is a real gift, I think. It gives the family together time that is relatively stress-free when you compare it to the holidays. I get to see my nieces and nephews who live too far away and catch up with my siblings and their spouses. Of course, time is spent with my parents, too - the difference being I do see them a LITTLE more often.

There is something about New England that just can't be explained or described. It's a place that needs to be experienced to be appreciated. The weather was cool, even by New England standards, for early July and even I was okay with that. We managed to get to the beach every day but one - and it's a beach you can enjoy wrapped up in your sweatshirt and towel as much as in your bikini or board shorts. I will admit I cannot abide SWIMMING up there! The water is far too cold (yes, I am a wimp, but as most of you know I like it HOT). It has been several years since I've joined my nieces and nephews in body surfing - and the last time I borrowed a wet suit to do it!

Anyway, here are some highlights of the trip:

-my brother's margaritas every night
-coffee on the deck every morning
-my one and only walk along the beach in the FOG (think Stephen King FOG and you've got it right) with my brother and mother
-my mother's cooking and cookies and muffins and BLUEBERRY BUCKLE - yummy!
-my trip to Maine to see friends
-all the amazing food I ate in Maine, including fresh boiled Maine lobster in their backyard
-our walk along the Audubon Trail and seeing a FAWN up close and personal (I could have done without the fire ants so up close and personal though)
-catching up with my cousin the Musician and my Aunt
-bringing a book and not even starting it until the last day
-Sushi with my nephew (and eating it on the main drag in Hampton)
-the un-birthday family gift exchange and "party" on the 4th (it's my sister's birthday and she requested we do this)
-riding bikes up to the Casino on July 4th, in light rain, with my nephew to discover there had been an ACTUAL fire and the fire-works were cancelled
-the rain storms at night
-sharing a room with my nieces and actually enjoying the clothes explosion . . . they are definitely growing up!
-waking up at 5AM the final morning to watch a PERFECT sunrise on the beach with my nephew

Saying good-bye was much more difficult for me this year. Perhaps it is because I'm not so happy here in Central Illinois, but I hated leaving.

And now things are Back to Normal. Ha ha ha.

Not exactly. I had made arrangements for a dinner date when I landed in Midway and was really looking forward to it. My family joked with me (of course) about him and based on that silliness let's call him the General. Anyway, the General picked me up at the airport and off we zoomed in his fast ride to Naperville (where he lives). We walked around a bit, enjoyed a wine tasting, and then went to a yummy tapas restaurant and ate dinner outside. By the time he dropped me off at my car we had been together for six hours. He even kissed me good-night. I thought the evening went well, but of course on the 2 hour drive home kicked myself for all sorts of "little mistakes" I thought I had made.

The next morning I sent an e-mail thanking him for the lovely time and the next day he replied that he also had fun. So, with hope in my heart, the following day I suggested date #2.

Yesterday the General dumped me before I even got a second chance.

So . . . I'm bummed, I admit it. I was REALLY bummed last night. I'm sure I've said this before in this very blog - I may not NEED a man in my life, but that doesn't mean I don't WANT one. And my "relationships" get shorter and shorter. And the lenght of the relationships seem to be directly dis-proportionate to how much I like the guy. Since moving a year ago, I can hardly get to the race, let alone out of the gate! And as much as my friends and I say they're just dumb ole boys, the fact remains that when you look at my dating past, the only common denominator is ME. So what am I doing wrong? I'm not a game player - I try to be authentic when meeting new people - so what is it about me that isn't working? And it can't be that I don't choose the right guys 'cause my dating past is pretty diverse! I am moving rapidly to my 40th birthday and I am tired of being alone. And lonely. I feel like I'm sixteen all over again right now - insecure and vulnerable and completely at a loss. I LOVE my friends and family, but I think we can all admit it's not the same.

So here I sit and write and lick my wounds. Again.

And I think to myself there is so little for me here. In a recent correspondence with my Aunt, I confessed I was counting the months to my departure from here. I am not, by nature, a pessimist! But if just ONE thing would flip here: my toxic work environment, my lack of friends, my non-existent love life, I probably wouldn't be in such a hurry to leave.

And yesterday I became an official resident of the state of Illinois. Oh the irony!

Yes, I changed my license, my registration and title, and registered to vote. I even transferred my insurance. And I've applied for a new passport with Bloomington as my home address. I am no longer a long-term visitor. SIGH.

The good news is I do have some things to look forward to before the dreaded return to school. Two of the Hula Ladies are coming to visit me! Yes, in just over two short weeks, they'll be flying in for a whirlwind trip and I can't wait. I am tempted to keep them here by force, but why should I make THEIR lives miserable too?

Yes, I am feeling very sorry for myself right now . . . deal with it.

I am also looking forward to my parents visiting over Labor Day . . . and of course my trip to Jamaica in November. And the family is discussing going to Spain for Christmas (my speed demon, sushi eating nephew will be studying there).

And I do try to enjoy the little things. This morning Zoe had me laughing out loud on our walk around Tipton Lake. I let her off leash there as it's usually very quiet when we go and there is some kind of damn-building critter there, smaller than a beaver, that Zoe loves to chase. Normally, she doesn't pursue at length, but this morning she was on fire and leaping like a gazelle across the tall grasses in hot pursuit. It is a riot to watch. And my amusement only increased when a little boy in a stroller passing by called her a rabbit! That's one BIG rabbit, but I tell you that little boy recognized hopping when he saw it! So funny!

And of course the kitties are precious.

And I have my yoga class.

OH! And a dear friend, Sensei Burai sent me a pair of his old running shorts for inspiration. I remember these shorts from Kentucky, Alabama, and Colorado. They have a rising sun illustration on the front and they are hard to miss! I laughed and laughed to see them. His wonderful wife was sure to thank me for now owning them!!! It was a great pick-me-up.

So I'm working on my attitude.

I just wish I could RUN. These stupid shin splints are keeping me from purging all my nasty toxins. I know the resting I'm doing now (not running 10 on Sunday and not going to speed training tonight, icing, and stretching) is good for the long run . . . but I am so frustrated!

SIGH.

Even though I'm side-lined right now, my friends and family are still there supporting me. I got a couple of donations yesterday . . . my Uncle B (also a runner) and from my former Team Tegla Leader. And so my frustration goes out the door when I think of all the good that money will do for people frustrated by much larger issues than shin splints: life and death issues. What the hell am I complaining about?

Life is just a mixed bag, isn't it?