Cats N Jammer

Okay, it's not exactly Zoe and Bea, but it's damn close. I haven't managed to get those two together much, let alone adding Henry to the mix!

So being that it is summer and I have quite a bit more time on my hands, I am spending more time with my pets.

It isn't all quality time . . .

Let's start with Zoe. She's my oldest and deserves the respect. What is fun about summer for us is Zoe running with me and I can take longer, more frequent walks with her. I let her determine the route (since I have no pressing engagements) and I have to say she likes a lot of variety.

One morning we'll head north toward the Country Club, the next south toward Holiday Park. Another day we'll go east to nowhere in particular, the next we'll start west toward the Beernuts Factory. Each day is an adventure. And inevitably, Zoe takes us to a watering hole where I let her swim.

Sadly, it's her swimming that brings the not-so-fun summer entertainment. For yet another summer, Zoe has dermatitis. Basically, that means she sheds badly and her skin gets itchy and flaky - like she has a bad case of dog dandruff. YUCK.

There aren't too many things I can do to relieve her of this condition: I could buy expensive medicines or supplements from the vet (not in the budget) or I can give her a bath with a less expensive medicated shampoo (hmmm, any OTHER suggestions?).

Now Zoe is a lab and obviously LOVES the water - so what's the big deal about a bath? Nothing when she was a puppy. She used to jump into the tub with my niece voluntarily when she was little! But now, well, somehow Zoe equates them with punishment (could it be all of her joyous romps in Eu de dead animal that did it?) and she does everything short of getting aggressive with me to avoid them. Imagine DRAGGING your 70 lb. lab, who has miraculously figured out how to double her weight by planting her feet firmly on the ground and sticking her butt out behind her, downstairs and putting her in the tub. I've tried bathing her outside, but there are far too many escape routes for this doggy Houdini. Then you need to soak her coat (labs are great water dogs because their coats are practically water proof) and scrub down her entire body. Ideally you let the shampoo SIT on her for 10 minutes. Yeah, right. It's best to expedite the bathing process with this dog so we do the "drive thru" version. After I've completely rinsed her off, I then need to "catch" her with a towel as she comes out the tub so she won't soak the entire bathroom. I don't know why I bother to try. No matter how good I get a the process, the end product is always the same. It's like a wet dog-hair-bomb exploded in the bathroom. I use 4 towels to "dry" her and about 10 more to clean the damn place! Honestly, I swear I clean an entire dog out of the drain alone . . . and then I have to clean the floor, the walls, and yes - oh yes - even the ceiling. Where is she hiding all that hair???

Sadly, it appears she's shedding so much this summer she's getting a little thin in some places. What's next? Shampooing her with Rogaine for dogs?

Oh! And I get to do this twice a week.

As crazy as THAT sounds, it pales in comparison to the latest kitty care.

Henry tops the list here. I've had Henry for a couple of months now and I was waiting to get him neutered when I had some free time. Big mistake. As he is a male in an all female home, he felt it necessary to MARK his claim on this home. I tried everything . . . to no avail. Fortunately, with the exception of the top shelf of my closet, he let the living areas of the home alone. But he had a field day in the "finished" attic (where I keep his food and litter box) and the "finished" basement (where I keep Bea's litter box). UGH.

So I finally make the appointment to get him fixed and off her goes. Of course, upon research, he hadn't be vaccinated or checked for anything really before I got him so I get a recommended LIST from the vet that totals nearly $400!! What-the-f*#k? NO WAY. So I go with only those things absolutely necessary for the procedure - still nearly $300 worth - and call it a day.

I get him back and I'm happy to say the marking has, from what I can tell, stopped. Yippee! It's the pooping outside the litter box that's the behavioral problem of the moment. Oh joy, oh rapture. Every or every other day, I get the good fortune to clean my carpets with Nature's Miracle and a handy dandy Dirt Devil Spot Scrubber. That and I've got a few things going after consulting the experts at Petco and spending yet another $50 or so. I'll keep you posted.

But wait, there's more!

Both cats have EAR MITES. So you thought bathing a dog was tough work? Try cleaning the ears of two cats still in possession of their claws.

Henry actually takes it pretty well. He shakes his head a lot, but only cares to swipe once or twice through the ordeal.

Bea is another story entirely. Those that know Bea, remember a sweet, SILENT (except when she would stutter or try to bark) kitty who hardly fit in the palm of my hand when I found her. She was sick and pretty docile - even when I had to bathe her twice a day to get rid of her ring worm.

Our little Bea is all grown up now. And boy is she pissed off! She's mad at me from letting Henry into the home and mad at Henry just for existing - she's even a little made at Zoe, who is only guilty by association.

And she's silent no longer. Oh don't get me wrong, she hasn't started meowing. But when Henry joined our family she got in touch with her big cat ancestors and learned to growl, hiss, and spit like a pro. So imagine trying to clean her ears and then put medicine in them.

Oh my - it's a battle. First I have to lure her into the bathroom with treats - and she's not stupid - she's got me figured out now. Then I have to squirt the cleaning solution into one ear and rub so it "lathers" a little. That's if I can keep her in my control. One hand is occupied by the bottle of cleaner. The other tries desperately to hold her by the scruff of her neck but she'll give the most limber of yogis a run for his money! She can twist and turn and no matter what way she goes, she makes contact with my bare skin and at least one claw.

All the while she growls and hisses and spits.

Once I've gotten solution in the ear (and I have to say I still don't know if I've really been successful with that!), I have to clear it with a cotton ball. Uh huh - right. And then I get to "carefully place" a Q-tip into the ear canal to see if it's clean. WHAT?? You've got to be kidding me!!!! I've got a moving torture devise in one hand and I'm armed with a damn Q-tip! I can't even FIND the ear half the time through all the spitting, hissing, and hair and claws flying about.

Needless to say, I am covered in scratch marks and Bea still has ear mites.

And I'm supposed to do that EVERY day.

We've amended it to every third day . . . or so. People whisper when I go out now and my scratches show. It isn't pretty.

Ahh . . . the joys of cats n jammer!