Meet Me In St. Louis, Part I

So this past weekend I went with PhD-to-Be to a wedding (PhD was the Maid of Honor). In spite of the start of the weekend, I had a great time.

Lately, it seems to me when I go to a wedding as "guest," I end up running errands with the bride, or loaning my car, or losing my friend to previously not communicated bridal party duties. This wedding was no exception.

Before leaving, PhD-to-Be couldn't seem to get the bride to commit to any details. Was there going to be a bachelorette celebration? Was there going to be a rehearsal dinner? Was there even going to be a rehearsal???? Details! So, I was naturally already suspect of the weekend to come.

En route, my friend and I discussed going to the Arch and maybe even Six Flags. Nope . . . with the exception of PASSING the Arch in and out of the city, we saw the same stretch of 2 miles in East St. Louis. Yippee.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Friday night we arrived at the LODGE - and OH MY! - this "lodge" has all the fixins': dead animal heads everywhere, fireplaces in each room, and theme rooms like Frontier Room (our room), Alaska Room, Mary Lincoln Room (huh?), Mississippi Room (double huh?), and Christmas Room (now WAIT A DAMN MINUTE). So it doesn't make any sense and to stay sane one must let go or trying. Oh yes, and a view of the INTERSTATE. Ugh.

So we arrive and NOBODY ELSE IS THERE. Yeah . . . PhD-to-Be was harassed about staying there the entire time and the place was basically empty - oh, except for the rehearsal dinner going on there. Never fear, it wasn't OUR rehearsal dinner. Even the Bride and Groom were staying someplace else that night.

So we go ask the staff where we might eat dinner and get directions to a local "Italian" place. How can you mess up Italian? Before stopping for dinner though, we find a Shop-n-Save and stock up on the individual size box wine (yes, like a big juice box for adults), Super Crunch Cheese Sauce (i. e. the store brand cheese whiz), crackers, and silly straws. We figured we should try to fit into the weekend somehow.

Then it's off to dinner and some phone tag with the Bride. We enter the restaurant and to our surprise, smoking is still allowed in eating establishments in St. Louis! Blech. So we put in our names for non-smoking and go outside to wait because the waiting room is full of smokers.

Once in, we sit and peruse the menu. Naturally, there is little for me to consider being a vegetarian. It is St. Louis after all. We decide to order a bottle of wine and cheese garlic bread to start. The Bride finally touches base with PhD-to-Be and we hold off on ordering until the Bride and Groom join us.

They arrive just after the wine and just as the bread is served. The wine isn't too bad . . . the bread is another story. It looks like a hot dog roll (fancy at least) that has butter and garlic powder spread in the split and white American cheese melted on top. NO LIE. And that is what it tasted like, too.

So as we're "enjoying" the bread, the Groom regales us with stories of how EXCELLENT St. Louis style pizza is. So, on his praise and recommendation (since I had never heard of it - I mean, there's Chicago style and Brooklyn style but St. Louis style?), we order two pizzas to share and down some more wine as we wait for the pies to arrive.

Arrive they did and looked yummy. So we dug in and . . . well, remember the bread? Something about the special cheese St. Louis style pizza has on it. I believe it's called provelle (some combination of mozzarella, provolone, and jack). It's like white American cheese all over your delicious pizza! I don't get it!

But we were hungry so we ate it.

After dinner, the Bride requested we go back to her hotel with her to meet up with the Matron of Honor (a little weird, having a Matron and Maid of Honor in my opinion). PhD-to-Be wanted to go just to figure out what else needed to be accomplished and how she and Matron were splitting up the duties.

So we met up in the bar (a good indication of where the weekend was going) to discuss the next day and already I could feel my blood begin to boil. The list of things that needed to be accomplished or found or bought before the wedding was astounding. Now, I've never been married so I don't know what it's like, but C'MON! Certainly one can be better prepared than this Bride!

When we got back to the lodge, I'm embarrassed to admit I lost it. Poor PhD-to-Be. She was innocent in this whole perceived fiasco. Like a trooper, she took it and even added her own frustrations. After, we just went to sleep: me on my air mattress on the floor (the frame collapsed on me earlier in the day) and she on the big ass bed under native chest plates and old fashioned hand-cuffs.

So the next morning I went for a run. I had to run 8 anyway, but damn if I didn't NEED it on this morning. Fortunately, the lodge is at the trail head (or nearly anyway) or Grant's Trail and I could easily get my mileage in. It was warm and muggy, but the first half was pretty good. I enjoyed the wildlife "preserves" along the way and was glad to have the mileage marked clearly. The trip BACK wasn't as fun. It was growing hotter by the minute and I could feel the previous evening's red wine and St. Louis style pizza. Ugly. Just plain ugly. But I got my 8 in and felt MUCH better about the day to come.

So I got back to the lodge, showered, and joined PhD for a really YUMMY brunch. No lie. Then we waited around until the third or our party, I'm Sorry Pastor (ISP from this point on), arrived. She flew in from Chicago and would be driving back with PhD and I. We all caught up and bitched about the day ahead (errands - lots of errands) and before long were joined with the Bristol Bunch (a particularly crazy bunch of the Bride's friends) and Pastor K and were off to . . . lunch?! Yup, Bride needed to eat before the errands began so we ended up at a Mexican joint across from a Target.

Since PhD and I had just had a huge brunch, we decided to drink our lunch (why not? get the weekend started right) and ordered guac and a pitcher of margaritas. ISP joined us and before long the entire table was getting pitchers and a little bit drunk. PERFECT. We managed to convince the Bride that Target would have EVERYTHING she needed, or mostly anyway, and that would be our only group stop. Yippeeeeee!

So off to Target we go . . . and this Target will never be the same.

Instantly, ISP and one of the Bristol Brunch and I were goofing off with a cart. Before we even got started with the real fun, two employees arrived at our side. One was very pleasant and just simply said, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to get out of the cart." The OTHER, Bitter Old Betty, had to add, "It's not a toy!" Want to bet?!

So we put on our best behavior for about a minute, and took off for the toy section. Meanwhile, poor PhD was being a good Maid of Honor and helping locate the necessary objects. You could tell she was pining to join us children.

We found the toy section and proceeded to let the effects of the tequila run amok. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. I managed to get in my impersonation of Leo DiCaprio in Titanic (I'm king of the world!) and ISP even got a picture of it.

We avoided all security and Bitter Old Betty, but barely. At one point, late in the adventure, I decided to try on a few accessories. The laughter drew Bitter Old Better right to us and I had to hide among the racks to avoid her wrath, stripping the accessories as I went.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end and it was time to go. The Bride and Groom were actually pretty good sports and spent most of the time avoiding us. :)

So it was back to the lodge for a rest before the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal - YES - both were planned. Dinner was casual 'cause there were kids involved . . . more St. Louis style pizza!!! Yup, yuck. And it was back to the lodge for the rehearsal.

Pastor K is one cool lady and at some point in the day we joked with her that she needed to have some fun at the rehearsal. Well I'll be damned if she didn't! It was pretty chaotic with the kids and questions and everything else that comes up in rehearsals . . . but Pastor K managed really well. ISP and I were thrilled with Pastor K's "huddle and break" version of the vows and cheered wildly from the back.

By the time the rehearsal was over, the three musketeers were pretty wiped. PhD played the good Maid of Honor and spent some time with Bride that night, but ISP and I laid low. Hey, we had the wedding day ahead of us!