Eight Miles to the Farmer's Market

Okay, so the title is a little misleading.

On Saturday I ran 8 miles with TNT. It was a stunning morning - cool and sunny and just perfect running weather. We got going shortly after 7AM and headed East on the Constitution Trail. So I got to see some new scenery!

Along the way, I passed two pretty little gardens dedicated to Bloomington's "sister cities." Who knew? One was Asahikawa, Japan so there were some obviously Japanese influences in the garden. And the other was Vladimir, Russia (I know it sounds like I'm making it up, but I swear it's true). Now I suppose every city has some sort of sister city, but I was surprised Bloomington had not only one but two! Slowly I am discovering my home town's little secrets. Maybe there is a tiny bit of culture here after all!

As we neared the halfway point, we passed a pretty little park called Tipton Park. It had a big pond and the Constitution Trail branched off to go around the pond. I made a mental note that Zoe and I would have to get back there.

When I hit the halfway point (Airport Road if you care to know), I checked my watch and was surprised. I was 5 minutes faster than I expected. I figured it was because a guy on the Team (let's call him iPod) was nearly clipping my heels the entire way. I didn't mind it at all - quite the opposite because I felt good and enjoyed the push. At the water stop there, he gulped his cup of water down and took off. I decided I didn't want to lose sight of him . . . and that if the opportunity to pass him came along I was going to take it. So I finished my powerade (I'm training myself to drink sports drinks - blech) and took off behind him.

En route back I saw Coach P drop off from a couple of runners going out and join iPod. He ran a little way with him and then dropped back to join me. I like running with Coach P. Our pace is similar and he likes to chat, which helps up the workout a bit. We enjoyed about 1/2 mile and I kept iPod in sight . . . in fact, I was starting to gain on him. Coach P stopped at a water stop and I chose not to stop (I only like to stop every other water stop) and continued to close the distance with iPod. At the final water stop, I caught up to iPod and we sipped on our drinks. He was breathing pretty hard - harder than I was anyway - and he poured himself a second cup. That was my moment! I threw my cup away and started the last mile or so with iPod in my dust. Okay, saying that just makes me laugh. I not THAT competitive! Regardless, I finished strong and iPod didn't round the corner to our meeting place at least a minute or two after me. He was huffing and puffing and confessed he had been trying to catch me that final mile. That felt pretty good.

That's when I looked at my watch and really couldn't believe it. I shed 10 minutes off my usual time for 8 miles. HUH? NOT POSSIBLE. When Coach P finally came in I asked him if he was SURE the mileage was right. He said he was sure and I was stunned - and thrilled. Now, I don't know if I'll be able to REPEAT that - the weather was great and I had a little "competition." But there is nothing quite like leaving a workout feeling really good!

So I decided to hit the Farmer's Market. For such a small town, this is a decent little market. It's no Eastern Market in DC . . . but it'll do. Aside from lots of growers to choose from, they have art and crafts as well. I knew I needed some spinach, lettuce, and tomatoes. The rest I would figure out as I browsed the stalls.

Sadly, the asparagus was GONE. No surprise really . . . I got there three hours after it had opened. SIGH. One bad thing about my workouts being on Saturday is that I will ALWAYS be late to the Market and on really long run days I will miss it altogether. Bummer. However, I got the LAST dozen of fresh eggs and was thrilled. And I decided to try a local cheese - a cheddar blue.

After I finished my shopping I walked around and checked out the cool artwork and crafts while I enjoyed the live music. Yup, they have that too. And good coffee. If I had a friend here - and I say this a lot, I know - I'd spend more time hanging out at the Market on Saturday mornings.

But for now, a quick trip after an 8 (or 10 or 12) miler will do just fine.

One Big Hill

Yesterday Coach P had us do some hill work.

Okay, now I know some of you are saying, "Hills? There are hills in Central Illinois?" Well, it's true, there aren't many, but Coach P found one good one. It is the sledding hill when the snow falls (rumor has it it is the ONLY sledding hill - which might make it the ONLY hill in my hometown).

It was long and pretty steep . . . especially as you got closer to the top. But I am once again getting ahead of myself.

We met in our usual spot and ran over to the hill. This is a new part of town for me and I was happy for the change of scenery anyway. I ran with J . . . I've run with him before and enjoy his easy company. We got there ahead of the rest (mind you "the rest" is about 4 other people) and sipped on Gatorade as we waited for the rest to join us. Once everybody had hydrated, Coach moved us to the hill.

I took one look and thought it would be fun to sled down, or roll down - but running up over and over again? Bummer.

Coach gave us our instructions, which for those who have run hill before know are really very simple. You jog down the hill and run hard up it as many times as Coach likes. Then - yes, there's a THEN - then you run hard down the hill ("in control") and jog back up to recover - again as many times as Coach likes.

The idea is to build leg strength and cardiovascular endurance.

Jogging down was fun and I still wanted to throw my body to the ground and body roll - had my old college buddy DGJ been there I WOULD have - but turning around and facing the hill was less inspiring. The hill is fairly long and has a medium grade for about 2/3 the way - then you hit the last 1/3 and it gets very steep.

So we're told to tackle the hill and off we go . . . the first 2/3 feeling a slow burn but nothing too bad. Then you're only 1/3 of the way from the top and it's like hot fire pokers stabbing you in the legs. FUN STUFF. But once you hit the crest you can't stop - you need to keep going 5 or 6 strides over the crest before you can turn around and jog back down.

And do it all over again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

HUAH! You finish THAT part and get to start the controlled sprint down the hill to jog back up. Now those controlled sprints were really funny because frankly, few of my teammates felt in control even once. J said had somebody stopped in front of him he would have just kept on going and trampled the poor person. I decided to join in the fun and put my arms up like a roller-coaster. Somebody else was clearly doing an impersonation of Phoebe from Friends running down the hill. It's nice to laugh during the work-out but makes that jog back up harder than it has to be. I actually prefer running up the hill from jogging up it - at least you're done faster.

So we did that as many times or more than the run up.

Finally, we could return to the water stop, hydrate and head home. The run back was good but I could really feel the hills in my legs. At the end, we again waited for the others, enjoyed a little more water, and stretched. WHEW!

So Coach P tells us next time we do hills we increase the reps . . . sounds like a good time, huh?

Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to see how many reps I can do at the end of the training. Yeah, just a bit kookoo.

But then I won't have to even look at that one big hill again!

Well, maybe to go sledding. :)

4 100's, 2 200's, 1 400 and Back Again

So on Thursday I returned to the speed training. I thought it was going to pour as it had been raining all day . . . no such luck. Instead the sun came out and it was like being in a sunny steam room. Blech.

We jogged to one of the local University's track and Coach P gave us our instructions. We started with a light 100M jog and then sprinted 100M and repeated that three times . . . then jogged 200M and sprinted 200M and repeated it . . . and then jogged a full 400M to follow it with a 400M sprint.

We got to rest then . . . briefly.

Then we got to do the same thing only in the reverse order!

By the final 100M I was pretty wiped out and my Gremlin was reminding me of my horrible speed workouts way back in high school. Once that Gremlin gets going it's hard to shut him up.

But after another brief rest, we jogged back to our usual meeting place and chatted for a few minutes. I'm always amazed at how quickly I recover now. And THAT shuts the Gremlin right up. I may not have been an "athlete" in high school, but I've come a long way baby - 6 times over!!!

Meet Me In St. Louis, Part I

So this past weekend I went with PhD-to-Be to a wedding (PhD was the Maid of Honor). In spite of the start of the weekend, I had a great time.

Lately, it seems to me when I go to a wedding as "guest," I end up running errands with the bride, or loaning my car, or losing my friend to previously not communicated bridal party duties. This wedding was no exception.

Before leaving, PhD-to-Be couldn't seem to get the bride to commit to any details. Was there going to be a bachelorette celebration? Was there going to be a rehearsal dinner? Was there even going to be a rehearsal???? Details! So, I was naturally already suspect of the weekend to come.

En route, my friend and I discussed going to the Arch and maybe even Six Flags. Nope . . . with the exception of PASSING the Arch in and out of the city, we saw the same stretch of 2 miles in East St. Louis. Yippee.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Friday night we arrived at the LODGE - and OH MY! - this "lodge" has all the fixins': dead animal heads everywhere, fireplaces in each room, and theme rooms like Frontier Room (our room), Alaska Room, Mary Lincoln Room (huh?), Mississippi Room (double huh?), and Christmas Room (now WAIT A DAMN MINUTE). So it doesn't make any sense and to stay sane one must let go or trying. Oh yes, and a view of the INTERSTATE. Ugh.

So we arrive and NOBODY ELSE IS THERE. Yeah . . . PhD-to-Be was harassed about staying there the entire time and the place was basically empty - oh, except for the rehearsal dinner going on there. Never fear, it wasn't OUR rehearsal dinner. Even the Bride and Groom were staying someplace else that night.

So we go ask the staff where we might eat dinner and get directions to a local "Italian" place. How can you mess up Italian? Before stopping for dinner though, we find a Shop-n-Save and stock up on the individual size box wine (yes, like a big juice box for adults), Super Crunch Cheese Sauce (i. e. the store brand cheese whiz), crackers, and silly straws. We figured we should try to fit into the weekend somehow.

Then it's off to dinner and some phone tag with the Bride. We enter the restaurant and to our surprise, smoking is still allowed in eating establishments in St. Louis! Blech. So we put in our names for non-smoking and go outside to wait because the waiting room is full of smokers.

Once in, we sit and peruse the menu. Naturally, there is little for me to consider being a vegetarian. It is St. Louis after all. We decide to order a bottle of wine and cheese garlic bread to start. The Bride finally touches base with PhD-to-Be and we hold off on ordering until the Bride and Groom join us.

They arrive just after the wine and just as the bread is served. The wine isn't too bad . . . the bread is another story. It looks like a hot dog roll (fancy at least) that has butter and garlic powder spread in the split and white American cheese melted on top. NO LIE. And that is what it tasted like, too.

So as we're "enjoying" the bread, the Groom regales us with stories of how EXCELLENT St. Louis style pizza is. So, on his praise and recommendation (since I had never heard of it - I mean, there's Chicago style and Brooklyn style but St. Louis style?), we order two pizzas to share and down some more wine as we wait for the pies to arrive.

Arrive they did and looked yummy. So we dug in and . . . well, remember the bread? Something about the special cheese St. Louis style pizza has on it. I believe it's called provelle (some combination of mozzarella, provolone, and jack). It's like white American cheese all over your delicious pizza! I don't get it!

But we were hungry so we ate it.

After dinner, the Bride requested we go back to her hotel with her to meet up with the Matron of Honor (a little weird, having a Matron and Maid of Honor in my opinion). PhD-to-Be wanted to go just to figure out what else needed to be accomplished and how she and Matron were splitting up the duties.

So we met up in the bar (a good indication of where the weekend was going) to discuss the next day and already I could feel my blood begin to boil. The list of things that needed to be accomplished or found or bought before the wedding was astounding. Now, I've never been married so I don't know what it's like, but C'MON! Certainly one can be better prepared than this Bride!

When we got back to the lodge, I'm embarrassed to admit I lost it. Poor PhD-to-Be. She was innocent in this whole perceived fiasco. Like a trooper, she took it and even added her own frustrations. After, we just went to sleep: me on my air mattress on the floor (the frame collapsed on me earlier in the day) and she on the big ass bed under native chest plates and old fashioned hand-cuffs.

So the next morning I went for a run. I had to run 8 anyway, but damn if I didn't NEED it on this morning. Fortunately, the lodge is at the trail head (or nearly anyway) or Grant's Trail and I could easily get my mileage in. It was warm and muggy, but the first half was pretty good. I enjoyed the wildlife "preserves" along the way and was glad to have the mileage marked clearly. The trip BACK wasn't as fun. It was growing hotter by the minute and I could feel the previous evening's red wine and St. Louis style pizza. Ugly. Just plain ugly. But I got my 8 in and felt MUCH better about the day to come.

So I got back to the lodge, showered, and joined PhD for a really YUMMY brunch. No lie. Then we waited around until the third or our party, I'm Sorry Pastor (ISP from this point on), arrived. She flew in from Chicago and would be driving back with PhD and I. We all caught up and bitched about the day ahead (errands - lots of errands) and before long were joined with the Bristol Bunch (a particularly crazy bunch of the Bride's friends) and Pastor K and were off to . . . lunch?! Yup, Bride needed to eat before the errands began so we ended up at a Mexican joint across from a Target.

Since PhD and I had just had a huge brunch, we decided to drink our lunch (why not? get the weekend started right) and ordered guac and a pitcher of margaritas. ISP joined us and before long the entire table was getting pitchers and a little bit drunk. PERFECT. We managed to convince the Bride that Target would have EVERYTHING she needed, or mostly anyway, and that would be our only group stop. Yippeeeeee!

So off to Target we go . . . and this Target will never be the same.

Instantly, ISP and one of the Bristol Brunch and I were goofing off with a cart. Before we even got started with the real fun, two employees arrived at our side. One was very pleasant and just simply said, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to get out of the cart." The OTHER, Bitter Old Betty, had to add, "It's not a toy!" Want to bet?!

So we put on our best behavior for about a minute, and took off for the toy section. Meanwhile, poor PhD was being a good Maid of Honor and helping locate the necessary objects. You could tell she was pining to join us children.

We found the toy section and proceeded to let the effects of the tequila run amok. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. I managed to get in my impersonation of Leo DiCaprio in Titanic (I'm king of the world!) and ISP even got a picture of it.

We avoided all security and Bitter Old Betty, but barely. At one point, late in the adventure, I decided to try on a few accessories. The laughter drew Bitter Old Better right to us and I had to hide among the racks to avoid her wrath, stripping the accessories as I went.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end and it was time to go. The Bride and Groom were actually pretty good sports and spent most of the time avoiding us. :)

So it was back to the lodge for a rest before the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal - YES - both were planned. Dinner was casual 'cause there were kids involved . . . more St. Louis style pizza!!! Yup, yuck. And it was back to the lodge for the rehearsal.

Pastor K is one cool lady and at some point in the day we joked with her that she needed to have some fun at the rehearsal. Well I'll be damned if she didn't! It was pretty chaotic with the kids and questions and everything else that comes up in rehearsals . . . but Pastor K managed really well. ISP and I were thrilled with Pastor K's "huddle and break" version of the vows and cheered wildly from the back.

By the time the rehearsal was over, the three musketeers were pretty wiped. PhD played the good Maid of Honor and spent some time with Bride that night, but ISP and I laid low. Hey, we had the wedding day ahead of us!

Desert Distance

I went to Tucson a couple of weekends ago.

The trip was originally supposed to be a 10 year reunion with my MFA class (and adjacents), but in the end was a "girls" weekend with one of my classmates, her partner, and our good "adjacent" friend who was more or less celebrating 10 years of having earned her MA in the program.

We had a blast. We of course ate too much, drank too much (though not as much as we might have done) and enjoyed time in the sun.

Day one my PhD-to-be friend (yes, the adjacent who is back in Tucson teaching at our Alma Mater) picked me up at the airport and we took off for 4th Avenue, a fabulously funky section of town with little shops and fun places to eat and drink to meet up with the others. After hitting most of the stores and making a purchase or two, we hit The Shanty for some early margaritas in their garden seating. What a perfect way to start the trip!

The next morning I got up and ran a quick 4 miler or so as I needed to get in a maintenance run as well as some distance during the trip. It felt good to run along the Rillito River Walk again. The temperature wasn't too hot that early in the day and it was fun to see the Geckos and other odd wildlife along the path. I found a grove of mesquite trees (with maybe a Palo Verde or two mixed in) and ran just off the paved path for the cool shade. It was lovely. Of course, don't be fooled by the name "river walk." There wasn't a trickle of water in that wash . . . just sand and crazy desert plant life.

After my run, we met up with a former Professor for breakfast and enjoyed catching up with her. Then we walked along the main campus green, ran into other former friends and colleagues, and then we headed to Saguaro National Park. It was a warm afternoon and we decided to take the tram as far as it would go (flooding has impacted the park), walked up almost to the top, and then walked back. The walk back was especially stunning as the air was cooling down and we had more shade. We stopped along the way to enjoy the boulders and water and take a few photos. We heard some coyotes, but the mountain lions remained quiet and hidden from view (which is probably a good thing). By the time we got to our car, it was time to head back "home" to get ready for dinner.

We were off to La Fuente! This was a favorite place for us to go with family or friends visiting ('cause you can't afford it on a grad student budget) as the food is top-notch and we love the live music. We were missing our friend Rodda, though. She had planned on being there, but due to family obligations couldn't make it. Whenever I think of La Fuente, I think of Rodda. She is fluent in Spanish (first generation Cuban, she is!) and whenever the mariachi band would come by the table, she would sing with them. Since she couldn't be there in person, we called her as the musicians strolled by. We enjoyed more margaritas and some of the best table-side guacamole you'll ever have. After dinner we went down memory lane via a bar crawl and enjoyed two out of three of our old haunts.

We began the next day with brunch at the well-appointed home of PhD-to-be's mother and step-father. After yet another amazing meal, we adjourned to their backyard and pool. We all needed the R&R poolside and found it difficult to pull ourselves away from the place. But other adventures called. We returned to 4th Avenue as one of us was eager to get her nosed pierced and 4th Avenue would be the place to do it. Naturally, others jumped on the band wagon and when all was said and done, three of us had piercings we didn't have before we arrived. Sadly, we had to split up at that point . . . two were off to see family in Phoenix so the PhD-to-be and I hit the Frog and Firkin for a pint on their patio before cleaning up for another dinner out.

It was time to catch up with the Amazing J and her husband Pastor D. For all intents and purposes, J was in charge of us grad students and without her none of us would have gotten out alive. Seriously. Pastor D wasn't a Pastor when I knew him all those years ago, but he's cooler than ever and we enjoyed a quick ride on his new motorcycle before heading to dinner. I am so glad we caught up! I became friends with them later in my short program and wish now I had more time to get to know them.

We ate a huge meal, drank some fine drinks, and returned to their home to chat some more . . . and before long we were all feeling every bit of those ten years older and ready for some sleep!

It's a good thing, too, as I had my 7 miles to run the following morning before I caught my plane home.

Yeah, seven on my own. It was back to the river walk, the dry wash, and the palo verde trees. As I got started, I thought of the miles ahead of me and realized I'd never get there thinking about THAT. So instead, I began to think of distance behind me: ten years. Whew. I'll tell you, it flew by.

I thought of who I was when I left my MFA program and what dreams I had . . . and thought of how far I've traveled from both. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe I've given up on my dreams, but certainly they've evolved like I have. And I never thought I'd be HERE . . . in the town that holds the distinction of being the capital of Beernuts . . . but I didn't really know where I would be. I had ideas related to my dreams, but admit I have remained pretty flexible and have allowed life to move me more than I've tried to control it. I spent the miles considering the roads I didn't follow and those I did.

And looking back, I wouldn't change one mile of the past ten years. Sure, some were harder than others, but in those harder miles I see my friends' cheering me on and easing my pain. I see me overcoming the struggle and not surrendering to it. And it those miles I brag about.

Same goes for the marathon.

Funny that.

I just hope my next distance in the desert doesn't take another 10 years to run.

Indian Runs and Intervals

Well, I just got back from my first "speed work" workout with TNT. I loved it! Yeah, I'm kooky that way.

It was raining and I even debated not going . . . but not for long. It was a cool rain and certainly more pleasant than most of these workouts will be temperature-wise. I wasn't terribly surprised to see only two others there besides me and Coach P (yup, different coach).

So after waiting and stretching, we figured we would be a small band of runners and off we went for a short warm-up. Then the Indian Runs began.

For those of you not in the know, Indian Runs mean you run in a straight line and the person in the back sprints to the front of the line, then falls back into the group pace. And so it goes for as long as coach says so. It was an odd group of running levels - even with only four - so we did that for about a half mile and kind of lost one of the group. She's a first time runner, so I was impressed she lasted as long as she did!

Then Coach P had us pick up the pace to the water stop. I ran much of the way with J, who had Leukemia as a child and lost his mother to Lymphoma. He's running the half-marathon and it was fun to have him on my heels . . . gave me the incentive to push a little.

After our water break, the rain really started to come down and it was time for Interval running. We'd run regular pace for 30 seconds, then pick it up for 30, back to regular pace for 30, then even faster for 30 . . . basically getting faster half of the minute until we were sprinting. We did that the whole way back and it actually felt really good!

I think officially finishing my teaching this morning helped. I got my grades in at 7AM and in two days will be in Tucson drinking and dining with old friends. I can't wait!

In the meantime, there is a list of things to be accomplished so I best get to it. I suppose a little speed work around the house is in order now.

Survivor

I feel as if I'm on a "reality" TV show . . . but perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a colleague. A very nice woman, one who has been on the faculty for 13 years and who I never really had a chance to get to know over the past nine months.

We ate at a terrific deli downtown and made pleasant smalltalk as we enjoyed our quiche and salad. I had a feeling the conversation would eventually turn to the difficulties I've been experiencing the past six weeks or so and sure enough, after our dessert, she eased the conversation in that direction. As I am supposed to be ignorant of all that's been going on, I continued to play stupid, listened, and then "defended" myself without any upset. Certainly, I appreciated her candor - even though much of what she said depressed me and made me doubt my teaching ability. She was clearly on my side . . . and even apologized for not speaking to me sooner about what she had been hearing. And as she drove us back to campus, I began mentally comparing my situation with that of Survivor: I was being drawn into an "alliance!"

YUCK. What an incredibly uncomfortable feeling this is! I am beginning to question my staying on another year. I mean, I realize politics are everywhere, but frankly I don't like knowing I could be voted off the island at any moment! There are no physical challenges to win in order to gain immunity . . . but there are plenty of challenges just the same.

And at this point I don't even know who I can trust. I know one person I most certainly CANNOT trust . . . that was made clear to me when this whole mess began. But I am now feeling I am not on terra firma with most of my colleagues - as if at any minute they will change their minds about my teaching and being here and stab me in the back. It's a very unpleasant place to be. And naturally I am having a crisis of confidence. Is academia really the place for me? Or is it just THIS institution isn't the place for me?

I definitely have ONE friend here - the Fight Guy. I am so grateful for his support! Certainly we are a recognizable "alliance." However, this isn't a game show that leads to winning a million dollars - it's my life. It isn't "reality TV", it's my reality. And as hard I tried to stay out of the thick of things here, I now find myself in the CENTER of it.

SIGH. So what do I do? I guess I just keep on keeping on and hope for the best. And even if it ends up being the worst, I can get through another nine more months of it. After all, I have summer vacation ahead of me . . . the physical challenge of the marathon ahead of me (and though it won't gain me immunity, it will help me tap into my power and confidence) . . . and I'm a survivor dammit! I will outwit, outplay, and outlast.

And this time next year, I will leave a winner.

Overwhelmed

I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by lots of things.

Overwhelmed can be good or bad . . . and I am happy to say I am mostly overwhelmed by good things right now.

First, I am overwhelmed (thrilled, flabbergasted, amazed) by the response of my first fundraising letter. With the incredible generosity of my family and friends, I earned over $700 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in ONE day! ONE DAY!!! That's AWESOME! I am deeply touched and grateful for your incredible support. Of course, I'm only a third of the way there . . . so please keep those donations coming.

Also, I am overwhelmed (relieved, unburdened) that a very big question about my future here has finally been answered to the degree that I can make future plans . . . which basically means I am here for another year.

Of course, with the good comes the bad and I am also overwhelmed (buried) by all the final work that needs to be completed in this last week! It was so bad I actually MISSED a final yesterday. Yup - I was AWOL, MIA, a no-show. I entered the time of the final incorrectly in my calendar and left my students abandoned and wondering where I was. UGH. I am embarrassed and horrified by my mistake and am now having to schedule all of their final scenes individually in the few open slots I have during the week. What a mess.

Fortunately, I got out for a maintenance run this morning with Zoe. All those fabulous donations inspire me and make it really easy to get up and out early. It was a beautiful morning - warm, but I like it that way (Zoe is less enthusiastic) - and we ran a regular route that takes us along a golf course so Zoe can go swimming in the water traps. She can also stay off leash a great deal along that route as it is a quiet neighborhood with a couple of cul-de-sacs that we run. So it's nice for both of us. And I really needed the run after my insane stupidity yesterday.

I find I'm sharper when I'm training (yesterday being an anomaly). In spite of all the work ahead, I'm actually not FRANTIC about it and I'm just ticking things off my to-do list and getting it done.

So . . . a week from today marks the end of my school year here and though I am counting the days to "summer vacation," I am overwhelmed by the knowledge that I DID it.

I now have a summer to prep (hahaha - okay, maybe a little) for next semester and to relax and enjoy some time and travel. Hopefully the good feeling of being overwhelmed will continue through the summer and into the fall.

Better overwhelmed than underwhelmed!

Against the Wind

This morning I was running against the wind. Seems like a metaphor for my life the past six weeks or so.

Yeah, I ran on a Sunday instead of Saturday as I had to be in Urbana yesterday for a special "make-up" class for Alexander. And since TNT Coach T was going to be there both mornings, I decided today would be the better day.

So I showed up . . . and nobody else . . . except Coach T. It was very strange! It was a beautiful morning (aside from the wind); I suppose the small number of runners total makes a difference and many ran the Indy Half yesterday so I can understand. It was still strange.

Coach T is a great guy and a life-long runner. You can tell, too. He's very fit - looks like a runner - long and lean and not an ounce of fat on him.

So we gave folks a few extra minutes and decided to take off for our five-miler. It's pretty intimidating to run with the Coach! However, off we went and chatted as we put the miles behind us. Going out wasn't too bad - it was coming back. Coach set a brisker pace than I usually run at the top, but not impossible for me. I felt pretty good at the half-way mark where we drank a little water and then turned around. That's when we hit the wind. UGH.

Coach didn't let up the pace and I wasn't about ready to cave at only five miles despite the strong headwind. Yeah, my ego took over and I made myself hang in there with him. Though I could feel it at the end, I was really glad I did 'cause Coach complimented me (yeah, I'm a glutton for praise and punishment) on my steady pace and admitted he figured he'd lose me after the turn-around. Strange way to "motivate" but I'll take it!

Wish I had a Coach T for my life. As I said, it feels as if I've been in a headwind for a while now. Though I have friends who are supporting me (and for whom I am deeply grateful), I feel very alone here . . . especially in regards to all the craziness at work. I would love a Coach there by my side, helping me along, telling me how to handle the pain and the confusion. There have been times these past few weeks I've wanted to run back . . . with the wind at my back to what I know and love. Yet I feel there has got to be SOMETHING worthwhile at the end of this run!

I don't know how much longer I can push against all the crap. I know I'm strong enough to push for a long time, but when is it no longer worth it? I mean, I heard from friends in DC who are - SADLY - leaving DC but vacating a fabulous, affordable apartment in a great location. NOW would be the time to jump on it . . . but until I reach the finish line here, I don't feel I can. I just keep running against that wind, wondering what the hell I'm going to find at the end.

SIGH. So I'll hang in there. Surely it's easier to fight what I'm fighting than what those for whom I'm running fight against every day.

Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. I saw the University's production of Our Town last night and thinking back on it I remember Emily's famous quote: "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?" I should be embracing the everyday . . . even the hard parts . . . and take nothing for granted. After all, I am among those who can run against the wind - literally and figuratively.

Out to Beernuts and Back

So Saturday was my first day of training with TNT. We met at the Normal Amtrack station that sits on the Constitution Trail and with everybody there we maybe had a group of 30 people.

What a change from the AIDS Marathon program in DC!!!!

In DC, the program had hundreds of participants for just ONE marathon. Here we had less than fifty for five or six marathon options.

We introduced ourselves and said what event we were running and then we were off - off for the Beernuts factory and back. Pretty funny if you ask me.

Along the way, I met a fellow named John whose father passed away from Lymphoma and whose brother was just diagnosed with it. It was very sobering listening to his story and reminded me just how lucky I am to be able to lace up my shoes and get a 4 mile run in before the day really begins.

John and I have similar time goals (he's also running Chicago), so I'm hoping I'll be able to run with him regularly. And NO, he's happily married so don't be thinking I might get to DATE him or some radical idea like that. Nope . . . this one-horse town appears to be a no-boy town for me. At least for now.

My love life aside, I am happy to be back in training and have a goal in mind. I guess I'll be seeing that Beernuts Factory a lot as I log the miles.

SIGH.

In DC it was the monuments, the Potomac, and the National Mall.

This might be a LONG summer.