New Faculty Orientation (or Death by Meeting)

Well, I appreciate lifestudent's optimism regarding my love life, but sadly my absence has NOTHING to do with that.

I have been sequestered away with all new faculty this past week in our New Faculty Orientation. My brain is mush.

Yup. MUSH. Talk about information overload. First you deal with the practical stuff: W-4s, I-9s, retirement accounts, and medical/dental benefits. It's important stuff that applies to everybody so I can't really complain about that.

But while you're going to and from each meeting, you are bombarded by all services available to you as a teacher. We're talking study abroad, library resources, public radio, the book store, the student union, etc. So even though I got a really cool bag from the bookstore, I ended up filling it with paper from all of these services.

Then you hear the Provost Speak. Then the Associate Provost. Then the President. Then the President of the Faculty Senate. Then the Provost Fellows. Then . . . a whole list of people I don't remember and, frankly, will most likely never see again!

And it felt like they were all saying exactly the same thing . . . only just different enough to confuse you.

Then you heard from more critical services: Center for Service Learning, IT, etc. Now, I get that most new faculty are going to need those services. Technology in the classroom is HUGE and very important to them. But I work in the arts and as such, find most of these meetings to be a waste of my time. Oh, sure, one of my classes will use an online site for class related responses and blogging. But for the most part, all that IT gobbledy-gook doesn't apply to me! And as I sat there and listened to it all . . . my eyes began to glaze over and I started to get confused by all the acronyms being bandied about. By Wednesday, I was convinced a majority of my brain cells were shut down - kaput.

But still there was more! On Thursday, we had an all-college meeting with the Dean (who I think is a rock star and I'm very excited about his leadership) who basically re-iterated everything that had been said by the President and Provost. EXCEPT that the Provost came and spoke AGAIN. I am not kidding you when I say I think I heard nearly the same speech from her FOUR times. WHY??? WHY TORTURE ME THUS???? I have WORK to do!!!

In the all college meeting, we spoke of the University's Public Affairs Mission and Five Goals, the Provost's 3-prong definition of Public Affairs, the Mission of the College and its goals, and how to incorporate ALL THAT into your teaching!!! And that you SHOULD be incorporating it into your teaching. HUH?? You mean I have to rework the syllabi I just spent two weeks on in TWO DAYS??? CRAP.

On Friday we had an ALL DAY faculty "retreat". Don't be fooled by that nice word retreat. It just means a meeting off campus. An ALL DAY meeting. There we talked about the Department's Mission and Goals and how to get that in your teaching as well as all the nitty-gritty of what's ahead.

We have a BIG accreditation review happening this fall so all our ducks MUST be in a perfect row by the end of October. As if my teaching 5 classes wasn't enough!

Plus we talked about budget and grants and tenure and promotion and recruiting and I don't even know what else.

I'm toast. Really. CRISPY TOAST. STILL. And it's been nearly 24 hours since we finished.

I must say I don't know how the University (or any higher education institution) thinks doing NFO the week before classes is SMART. It's NOT. It's confusing. It's mind-numbing. It's repetitive. And it just makes most new faculty a little angry.

If we're supposed to be focusing on EDUCATION then give us the freakin' time to focus on that! I was lucky enough to be well-prepared going into NFO. But I think of all my nice colleagues who just moved here. Who still have furniture to set up and boxes to unpack. Who still don't have keys to their office (if they even HAVE an office yet). Who still have syllabi to write and books to order. Their entire week was taken up with MEETINGS. It's just impractical.

So . . . thanks for letting me vent.

I will say some really good things came out of NFO. I met some really great women in other departments and a few of us already hit Martinis and Manicures together. So my social life - at least in regards to friendships - is already miles ahead of the wasteland. Oh, and I won a $50 gift card at the book store! FREE STUFF IS GOOD. :)

So, okay, NFO wasn't a total waste. But maybe I say that because most of my synapses still aren't firing.

I think I need a nap.