Moving to the Show Me State

I can hardly believe it myself!

But it's done. I am moving . . . to Missouri.

A few days ago I was on my way back to my beloved DC where friends and family and a new teaching job awaited me. I was making plans and dreaming of my homecoming. I was ignoring that nagging voice saying, "is this job really what you think it is and is it really what you want?"

Oh, and yeah, there was that little interview at a school in Missouri I needed to go to, but it was most likely just a formality. I mean, I was going HOME!

And then I visited this special school in the show-me state and had the most amazing time. The students were talented, present, and engaged. The faculty was enthusiastic, respectful, nice, and ODDLY ENOUGH, collegial.

The town was small, but had things to offer and was pleasant and pretty.

And then I was offered a job. And given a deadline - for that night.

What? This wasn't in my plan! I was going home! I was set!

And then I began my drive home. And I kept thinking about my in-class experience and how it was truly the most amazing experience I've ever had in a classroom. I thought about the department head who impressed the hell out of me with his "no BS" approach. I thought about the better money and lower cost of living. I thought about the BFA program and all the fun classes I could teach. And then I thought about ACCEPTING this job.

WHOA! No way. Nope. I'm going back to my friends . . . and a job that worries me . . . and struggling just to make ends meet . . . and teaching enthusiastic - but very GREEN - students . . . and having to do most everything myself . . . and not having the time to enjoy being back.

And then I started making phone calls. I called my mother and my father. I called the World Traveler, Boss Lady, and the Healer at my old workplace. I talked to them and rejoiced in my good fortune but explained my conundrum. I called PhD and left a message. I called the Fight Guy and also left a message. And then I drove in silence for many hours and along the way I wept. I had to ask the tough questions and those who know me and love me know I suck at answering them.

The Fight Guy called back and we made plans to meet on campus. It was good to connect with him, cry some more, and ask his advice. He is a dear friend and colleague and he said to me, without trying to influence me one way or another (if anything, I think he would have liked my return to DC as much as I did), "you sound excited about the program in Missouri." And indeed, I had been excited.

When I got home, I called the Acupuncturist and his wife, the ER Doc. The Acupuncturist is an old soul in a young man and always has a way of helping me look at things for what they are. His wife is cut from the same cloth. Again, they offered no answers, but in answering their questions I was beginning to find answers on my own.

But I still wasn't ready to commit to anything and Missouri needed an answer. So I called . . . and begged the department head's indulgence so I might sleep on it. He very kindly agreed.

And I was back on the phone with my mother and father crying and wondering out loud what direction my life should go. My parents are saints, no question.

Exhausted, but still needing more information, I headed to my laptop and the Internet. It was time to see what this small town might offer me in big returns. I noticed PhD was online, took a chance in interrupting her, and of course she responded. As it turns out, she was on the phone with the Bride from last summer (remember THAT story?) who happens to be working at this school (I did see her and her husband and had a brief, but nice visit) and relayed some more information from her to me. At one point in the typing back and forth I read something along the lines of "are you moving forwards, or backwards?"

Good question - VERY good question.

By the time I finished online, it was nearly midnight and I was exhausted. I got into bed, reviewed some more Missouri information, and fell into a night of fitful sleep and troubled dreams.

By the time I woke up, around 5:30 AM, I could hardly see straight from fatigue and swollen crying eyes.

Still, I suited up for my walk with Zoe and off we went. I thought some more about my choices and even asked Zoe where she'd like to live. Like a good friend, she offered no answers. Just a wagging tail that said wherever I chose would be good by her.

Soon after I was off to sub for the Fight Guy (lucky devil has a gig in St. Louis) and while the students were filling out their class evaluations, I ran into MFA Bob and started chatting. A few moments later, Hurricane Z (directing faculty) strolled by and said to me, "You look like you could use a hug." Damn she's perceptive. I told her I did but it might make me cry so she gave me a big hug and asked me, as I teared up, why I was crying. I explained my situation and she asked what pulled me to each one. I told her, "one is my home, and one is the better program." And she said, "It sounds like you've made your decision." My jaw fell down and I stammered "yes, but" and then rubbed my hand over my heart. She looked right at me and said, "Isn't your work your heart?"

I told you she was perceptive.

And that's when I knew. I had no choice. I HAD to go to Missouri.

And so immediately following class, I called my parents and friends in DC to tell them and nobody really seemed surprised.

So I called Mr. No BS Department Head and gave him answer. I was moving to Missouri.

I guess that state really showed me!