Wonders Never Cease

Okay . . . so it has been a tough time. I am struggling daily with being committed to this place. It has little to do with the job itself - I love being in the classroom and I generally like and respect the students here very much.

My difficulty comes from the toxic environment in which I work created by a select group of colleagues. Since last spring, this select group has made me feel unwelcome, disrespected, and unsupported. This group has made me doubt my teaching abilities and beyond that, my own self-worth. As if life in the Arts isn't difficult enough . . .

Anyway, this feeling hung like a dark cloud over the long weekend. My wonderful parents came to visit me and we had a pleasant time doing very little ('cause there isn't a lot to do here). However, the negativity that has been heaped upon me since April is clearly impacting how I interact with others. It makes me feel yucky . . . and yet I have trouble shaking it off and getting out of my funk.

Often, my students take care of that for me. Small breakthroughs, big breakthroughs, and even quiet comments made to me outside the classroom can make a HUGE difference in the kind of day I am having. For example, the other day I had a young man add my class (yes, he was late, but I let him in anyway). I was worried about him being behind, but he jumped right in and said YES in big ways to the work we were doing. After the class, he followed me to my office to get his syllabus and a homework assignment he missed and along the way he said something like, "I'm so glad I joined this class! I had a good time today and you are so funny. I can't wait to tell some of my friends about it." REALLY. I was blown away by his enthusiasm and what started as a day of struggle, ended as a day of lightness and joy.

Then there was another student who came to me expressing an interest in changing his major to theatre after only three classes! Though I'm sure he had wanted to be a theatre major from the time he was a freshman, he finally got the courage to say it out loud and do something about it. After discussing his options, I sent him on his merry way (and he truly appeared MERRY). The next day he stopped by my office and said he was transferring into a majors acting class and wondered if it would be okay for him to transfer into MINE as he felt really comfortable with me as an instructor. Of course I said yes and I'm eager to see him with his peers in a majors class tomorrow.

But today I got an honest, but good, shock. Between two of my classes, I had enough time to stop by the office and check my mail box. In there was an envelope from the Office of the Dean. I figured it was my renegotiated contract (done by the union and finally ratified last week) to sign. I opened the letter expecting as such and instead it was a letter informing me I had been awarded a Travel Grant! WHAT THE ???? REALLY? I applied for that thing with no real hope, but nothing ventured nothing gained. I don't get to go anywhere exotic . . . I applied for travel money to support my on-going certification process that requires I put 500+ miles a week on my car.

As I said, I had no real hope in getting it. It's done by the Dean and all the Directors of each School and of course seniority plays a big part. So I'm stunned and thrilled and FINALLY feel valued . . .

Wonders never cease.