MIA

Hello darling family, dear friends, devoted fans, and complete strangers!

Yes, I have been MIA. And that may be how it remains for just a little bit longer. I don't intend to stay away for good . . . just until the boy leaves for the big blue.

I did want to give a brief update, however.

I ran six miles on Saturday. I continue to get to Pilates and continue to fail to get to Yoga. Little change there but I have high hopes that things will get back to something more normal beginning next month.

The biggest news is that our little menagerie at the Pink House has expanded AGAIN. My housemate found a stray dog in the neighborhood last week and after papering the neighborhood with signs, calling shelters and the Humane Society, and asking around the hood we are certain "Hannah" is now a member of our odd little family. She is my housemate's responsibility, of course, but I am thrilled to be able to help. She is a darling shepherd-mix - very timid and sweet - and I believe she's finally relaxing and feeling more at home. My friends joke that word is getting out to the stray community that the Pink House is the place to go! So we are up to 3 dogs and one kitty who is rapidly becoming a cat.

The dogs all get along just fine. Kitty is not pleased with the new arrival however. Every time she passes the study, Hannah's current safe place, she hisses. It's damn funny actually. I believe she will accept Hannah eventually - or at the very least learn to live with her - so I'm not at all concerned.

Of course between the boy, the weather, and the new dog (which I walk in the mornings with Zoe) my running during the week is suffering. I'm trying to figure out how to change that and so far have not figured out the best way to get my maintenance mileage in. SIGH. I refuse to stress about it at this point.

So expect me to be MIA for just a little bit longer.

Swollen

Blech.

Today I'm feeling really swollen. It's a yucky feeling. I didn't run over the weekend with my group. In fact, over the past week, I got right back out of the saddle I had just gotten back into!

I blame a boy - a boy I've been "seeing". It's not that he doesn't want me to run, it's just that in about a month he'll be gone for four months so I'm feeling a need to spend as much time with him as possible. Sometimes that means going away for the weekend. In fact, it often means going away for the weekend. And that means I miss the group run.

Of course, I can't explain why I'm not getting the maintenance runs in. This morning it was raining. Is that good enough?

Today I'm feeling a bit cranky about it all because I really do not want to lose the momentum I started. I'm officially signed up for the Kentucky Derby Half Marathon in April and am still seriously considering the Midnight Sun Marathon in June so I really NEED to get my body moving! Of course, once the boy has gone to sea (seriously folks), I will have my weekends completely free . . . and most of my weeknights.

ECAG asked how I manage to run on a theatre schedule. I laughed out loud . . . only because I haven't had a theatre schedule since the summer! Granted, it's tricky. I trained for my first marathon while playing Ophelia at a theatre two hours away. Don't ask me how I managed to get up on a Sunday morning at 5AM to run 15 or more miles in the heat on only four hours of sleep. I honestly don't know how I did it - I just did.

So what's my problem now???

My acupuncturist says winter is the time of hybernation . . . that the body wants the extra pounds (lordy, I went to the doctor yesterday and about choked when I was weighed - don't get me wrong, I'm only six pounds heavier than usual, but it's all about how you feel) and resists hard workouts. She thought the yoga was very good . . . and I do, too . . . as a balance . . . except that I can't seem to get THERE either!

It is said it takes two weeks to get into a habit so all I need to do is set my alarm for two weeks and even if I'm away for the weekend I must take my running shoes. How hard can that be?!

SIGH. Apparently pretty hard.

Well, what must be done must be done. And if it can keep me from feeling swollen like this again, set that alarm and roll out that yoga mat!

Back in the Saddle

WHEW! So I took a break from running and writing and now I'm back. You've been warned. :)

Team Tegla met last Saturday for the first time since the marathon and we ran an "easy" six. I put easy in quotes because the wind was blowing something FIERCE and it felt like we were pushing against a brick wall through much of the run. I really don't like the wind. We're running again this Saturday (8 miles) and hopefully the weather will cooperate!

I also managed to get in my maintenance runs this week - even Zoe joined me! Monday's run wasn't much fun - I was sore from Saturday and my yoga class on Sunday - but I did it and had a much better run yesterday.

Yes, you read correctly. I have now made time for YOGA on Sundays and have also signed up for a PILATES class on Thursdays so hopefully my strength and flexibility will increase.

I e-mailed my brother today and it looks as if we'll for certain be running the Kentucky Derby 1/2 marathon in April. I'm very happy too that he is interested in running the race WITH me . . . so we're both hoping for a 2 hour or under race. Should be fun!

Now . . . for the next MARATHON.

ECAG has really done it and doesn't even know it. My friends in Team Tegla are seriously considering running the Mayor's Midnight Sun Marathon in Anchorage, June 17, 2006! Much depends on money - how much we have or don't have by then - but we are thinking in terms of that for our next race. May as well run marathons in the 49th and 50th state back to back, right?

Otherwise, no decisions have been made for the next 26.2 . . . and I'm really okay with that. I'm just happy to be back in the saddle - or back in my running shoes - again.

New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year! Yup, it's the start of a new year . . . clean slate, new beginnings, fresh start, etc. It's the time for RESOLUTIONS.

Or IS it?

Frankly, I believe resolutions set you up to fail. I used to believe in making them and at the end of each year I'd kick myself for not following through.

A friend of mine made the astute comment that many resolutions come in a negative form: I will quit smoking, I won't eat sweets, etc. And they tend to be black or white - no wiggle room for life throwing you a curve ball and subsequently making the follow through that much harder.

So instead of making resolutions this year I have made a wish. I had the good fortune to spend New Year's in Ocean City with a friend and on January 1st, I walked along the beach and made a wish. My wish - unrelated to peace on earth, a healthy planet, and happiness for my family and friends - my PERSONAL, SELFISH wish is to let go of the outcome on things in my life: auditions, other jobs, love-life, marathons (or other races) and the like. This is not to say I won't plan, and hope, and work. It's just to say that life has a funny way of not turning out the way you want it to so why hold out for an outcome about which you have no control? Instead, I wish to be open to whatever gifts the universe sends my way.

And when I look back at 2005, the universe sent an abundance of gifts my way:
- enough work as an actor to pay my insurance
- new friends and lots of fun times with old friends
- a summer fling and a winter "not-sure-yet-what-to-call-it"
- a new home in a fabulous pink house
- good health and my sixth marathon
- a trip to Hawaii!

And that's only a sampling of all the great things that came my way last year.

So here's to 2006 and all of its potential gifts without the resolutions. Cheers.

MAHALO A NUI

Well, I have sufficiently recovered from my jet lag (but am still feeling a little of the NOG party my friend and I threw last night) and wanted to take a moment out of my day to say mahalo a nui - thank you very much!

There are so many folks to thank that helped me cross the finish line: friends and family, donors, teammates, my acupuncturist, and those "strangers" who followed me along the way via this blog. I never would have made it without everybody.

East Coast Alaskan Girl wants to know when the next one is . . . well, there's a half-marathon in April I'm planning on running in Nashville. And my friends who went to Hawaii with me are already planning for Prague, Rio, Thailand, Paris, Maui, Florence, and we would be more than happy to return to Honolulu next year!!! Of course, I'm open to other suggestions so comment away!

Anyway, thank you everybody for all of your support! I will continue to keep the blog . . . after all, there is no finish line.

Unofficial Results

Well, I'm back on the mainland now . . . arrived at 6:30 this morning after a 22 hour trip. Leaving the 70 degree weather to come back to the remnants of an ice storm is pretty depressing. Tack on an audition at 11:30 and work until 9:30 and I'm not certain I'll be able to find my way home! WHEW.

So . . . get to the point, silly. THE MARATHON: It was hot and it was crowded. It wasn't my best run and it wasn't my worst run. I had moments of great joy and I had moments of great pain.

I finished. I got my medal, my shell necklace, and my t-shirt - but I didn't get any results. Really.

I have an idea what time I finished (about 4:45) based on how my Tegla Teammates finished, but I am the only one without an "official time." Perhaps my chip malfunctioned, but for some reason the universe decided that it didn't really matter. Hang loose, surfer girl - who cares about the time if you crossed the line! And you know, in Hawaii, I can really embrace that mentality!!!

What mattered in the end was I had three amazing friends there to cheer me on - and I got to see them three times along the route and again at the finish. What mattered was all of my teammates finished, too. What mattered was I had a terrific massage after, and then a bowl of guilt free ice cream. What mattered was, though my last three miles sucked, I was able to get up the next morning and learn to surf. What mattered was I then climbed Diamond Head. What mattered was I then celebrated my birthday (Hau'oli lahanau to me!) on a sunset Mai Tai booze cruise and a great dinner at Dukes.

What mattered was the amazing vacation I got with dear friends in a beautiful setting with perfect weather.

Who cares about TIME???

The only time I cared about TIME was when I had to leave.

So let's leave the time results UNofficial - fast, slow, win, or lose. And let's declare the trip an official WIN.

BUSTED

Yup. I was finally busted. By my Aunt L. who is a terrific supporter of my endeavor here. I received an e-mail from her today wondering if all was well as I hadn't posted an entry in several weeks.

The good news is: YES all is well. The bad news is: I've been LAZY. Not running lazy (not per se), but writing lazy. I just haven't had the energy to post anything.

It's been a busy time. Since my last post I finished my fight choreography for West Side Story, had two call-backs (all for nothin'), hosted 14 people for Thanksgiving (and ran the turkey trot, too), wrapped up one of my three jobs for the season, had two acupuncture appointments, applied for a teaching position, celebrated two birthdays, got sick (still fighting the ever-morphing bug) and continued my two jobs and animal care-taking.

Okay - excuses, excuses! Maybe the REAL reason I haven't written is because I'm afraid. There, I said it. I'm a little scared. I had a GREAT 26-mile run and now I feel pressure to have a GREAT marathon - self-imposed pressure of course. What if I let all these great people who helped me get to Honolulu down? What if I let my team down? What if I let MYSELF down? There is the biggest question of all . . . what IF I don't perform well on race day? As much as I say I'm embracing each race for what it is, don't we all enter "events" with certain hopes or expectations? I would be lying if I said I was completely open to any finishing time. If I run my worst time ever, how will I feel? I will be bummed. I will DEAL with it, but I won't be pleased or just happy to have finished. I will tell myself that and eventually I may believe it. The reality is, I want a good run. I want a strong run. I want a happy run.

I'm so afraid of FAILING. Stupid, I know. Finishing isn't failing, but tell that to my raging gremlin. So how to cope?

Well, I continue my acupuncture which really helps. I think of all the other things I'll do once in Hawaii (I even threatened my mother I'd come home with a tattoo - I still may do it!). I laugh and plan with my friends who are joining me. And I write in my blog that I'm afraid. And once again . . . I run. I run from the gremlin, I run from my fear, I run from all the things that trouble and upset me. And I run towards the finish line . . . and another race.

4 Weeks

Yup, in a short four weeks, I will be running the Honolulu Marathon. At exactly this time, in fact (if you consider the time difference).

Yes, it's a 5AM start and from what I learned on my 26 mile run yesterday, I'll be glad for it.

That's right. I ran 26 miles yesterday. I'm tired today, but I felt strong the entire run so I continue to feel very positive about race day.

Team Tegla had a guest with us yesterday and she really inspired me. She ran Honolulu last year so had all sorts of good advice about that particular marathon. We should be prepared for the heat once the sun rises (1/2 way into the race, by my calculation) and should definitely carry our water bottles and run with our walk ratio like we have been in training. Of course I always question that, but one reason she inspired me is because she ran Chicago recently and finished in 3:48 - with the walk ratio - and she's 44! I'm so impressed! So based on her advice, I believe most of Team Tegla will race together and race well.

I can't believe it's so close now. One of my friends is practically packed, she's so excited to go. I'm getting there, but all I can manage at this time is to put one foot in front of the other. Granted, yesterday's run was a big deal and helped me realize I'm that much closer and, ultimately, ready for it. Still, I have three animals to care for, a Thanksgiving to plan, and work to do before I can leave.

But let me tell you, once I get on that plane, I'm leaving it all behind me for six days and enjoying every moment of being free from responsibility. I can't WAIT to PLAY.

And play is just 4 weeks away.

Mind Games

Last week, sitting on the acupuncture table, I expressed my frustration about my missed maintenance runs to my acupuncturist. She's also a marathoner, and she cocked her head and wondered out loud why I should worry about it. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: What? I HAVE to get my runs in!
Her: Why? Have you missed them before?
Me: Umm . . . (sheepishly) yes.
Her: Did anything bad happen? Did you have a bad long run after or something?
Me: No.
Her: Why then are you worried about it?

She brought up a good point. There was NOTHING in my history of running that should make me think missing some runs would be terrible. Naturally, it's not ideal, but would it lessen any of the progress I've made up to this point? NO.

It was that damn gremlin again making me worry. I was playing mind games.

So then I had to ask myself, why do I run? Sure there are plenty of benefits: it's fun, I can eat whatever I like (to a degree), I stay healthy and strong, I release stress, etc. In the end though, what is it that gets me out the door with my running shoes on?

In trying to answer that question, I found myself browsing Runner's World and back to John Bingham and this article. This man is my running guru!

As part of my final performance project in grad school, I used an ad from NIKE. It said:

A WOMAN IS OFTEN MEASURED BY THE THINGS SHE CANNOT CONTROL.
SHE IS MEASURED BY THE WAY HER BODY CURVES OR DOESN'T CURVE, BY
WHERE SHE IS FLAT OR STRAIGHT OR ROUND.
SHE IS MEASURED BY 36-24-36 AND INCHES AND AGES AND NUMBERS, BY ALL THE OUTSIDE THINGS THAT DON'T EVER ADD UP TO WHO SHE IS ON THE INSIDE.
AND SO IF A WOMAN IS TO BE MEASURED LET HER BE MEASURED BY THE THINGS SHE CAN CONTROL, BY WHO SHE IS AND WHO SHE IS TRYING TO BECOME.
BECAUSE AS EVERY WOMAN KNOWS, MEASUREMENTS ARE ONLY STATISTICS.
AND STATISTICS LIE.

Granted, it's an advertisement (written by a woman, at least), but I did like what it had to say about being measured by who was trying to become. So my guru's comment on potential really rings true with me. I run to realize my potential - as an athlete and as a woman.

Of course, unlike my guru, I don't accept what each day brings as easily as he does. But I'm working on it with the help of my acupuncturist, Team Tegla, and friends. So instead of MIND GAMES I can have an OPEN MIND. And hopefully, like my guru says, my soul will win every time.

Maintenance Malaise

I'm having trouble this week getting my maintenance runs in . . . and this is a critical time.

It's mostly because of Beatrice. I'm pretty tired caring for her and I have just found out she is ring-worm positive, so her recovery will take even longer than I originally planned. It looks as if she'll be around for another four months or so. SIGH. She's worth it, but she's so demanding of my time.

I have GOT to get out and run.

Of course, the whole daylight savings crap and extended work hours and cold temperatures don't help my enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, I like cooler weather for running, but when I'm tired and I'm all cozy in my bed early in the morning, I just don't want to put on shorts and get moving.

I have got to get OUT and run.

My housemate leaves on Saturday for a month-long trial in NYC which means I'll have three animals to care for in the final weeks leading up to the marathon as well as juggling my three jobs. Throw the fight choreography for West Side Story and Thanksgiving at my house into the mix and I'm watching the time fly by!

I have got to get out and RUN.

It really is the only way for me to release some stress and deal with all of these things on my plate. You would think I would be better at making time for this. What happened to the evening running group you may ask? Well, one night I'm teaching and the other I am often working an event for my other job. So that's pretty much out for this month. I must get back to my morning routine.

I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT AND RUN!!!

Tomorrow is another day . . .