MAHALO A NUI

Well, I have sufficiently recovered from my jet lag (but am still feeling a little of the NOG party my friend and I threw last night) and wanted to take a moment out of my day to say mahalo a nui - thank you very much!

There are so many folks to thank that helped me cross the finish line: friends and family, donors, teammates, my acupuncturist, and those "strangers" who followed me along the way via this blog. I never would have made it without everybody.

East Coast Alaskan Girl wants to know when the next one is . . . well, there's a half-marathon in April I'm planning on running in Nashville. And my friends who went to Hawaii with me are already planning for Prague, Rio, Thailand, Paris, Maui, Florence, and we would be more than happy to return to Honolulu next year!!! Of course, I'm open to other suggestions so comment away!

Anyway, thank you everybody for all of your support! I will continue to keep the blog . . . after all, there is no finish line.

Unofficial Results

Well, I'm back on the mainland now . . . arrived at 6:30 this morning after a 22 hour trip. Leaving the 70 degree weather to come back to the remnants of an ice storm is pretty depressing. Tack on an audition at 11:30 and work until 9:30 and I'm not certain I'll be able to find my way home! WHEW.

So . . . get to the point, silly. THE MARATHON: It was hot and it was crowded. It wasn't my best run and it wasn't my worst run. I had moments of great joy and I had moments of great pain.

I finished. I got my medal, my shell necklace, and my t-shirt - but I didn't get any results. Really.

I have an idea what time I finished (about 4:45) based on how my Tegla Teammates finished, but I am the only one without an "official time." Perhaps my chip malfunctioned, but for some reason the universe decided that it didn't really matter. Hang loose, surfer girl - who cares about the time if you crossed the line! And you know, in Hawaii, I can really embrace that mentality!!!

What mattered in the end was I had three amazing friends there to cheer me on - and I got to see them three times along the route and again at the finish. What mattered was all of my teammates finished, too. What mattered was I had a terrific massage after, and then a bowl of guilt free ice cream. What mattered was, though my last three miles sucked, I was able to get up the next morning and learn to surf. What mattered was I then climbed Diamond Head. What mattered was I then celebrated my birthday (Hau'oli lahanau to me!) on a sunset Mai Tai booze cruise and a great dinner at Dukes.

What mattered was the amazing vacation I got with dear friends in a beautiful setting with perfect weather.

Who cares about TIME???

The only time I cared about TIME was when I had to leave.

So let's leave the time results UNofficial - fast, slow, win, or lose. And let's declare the trip an official WIN.

BUSTED

Yup. I was finally busted. By my Aunt L. who is a terrific supporter of my endeavor here. I received an e-mail from her today wondering if all was well as I hadn't posted an entry in several weeks.

The good news is: YES all is well. The bad news is: I've been LAZY. Not running lazy (not per se), but writing lazy. I just haven't had the energy to post anything.

It's been a busy time. Since my last post I finished my fight choreography for West Side Story, had two call-backs (all for nothin'), hosted 14 people for Thanksgiving (and ran the turkey trot, too), wrapped up one of my three jobs for the season, had two acupuncture appointments, applied for a teaching position, celebrated two birthdays, got sick (still fighting the ever-morphing bug) and continued my two jobs and animal care-taking.

Okay - excuses, excuses! Maybe the REAL reason I haven't written is because I'm afraid. There, I said it. I'm a little scared. I had a GREAT 26-mile run and now I feel pressure to have a GREAT marathon - self-imposed pressure of course. What if I let all these great people who helped me get to Honolulu down? What if I let my team down? What if I let MYSELF down? There is the biggest question of all . . . what IF I don't perform well on race day? As much as I say I'm embracing each race for what it is, don't we all enter "events" with certain hopes or expectations? I would be lying if I said I was completely open to any finishing time. If I run my worst time ever, how will I feel? I will be bummed. I will DEAL with it, but I won't be pleased or just happy to have finished. I will tell myself that and eventually I may believe it. The reality is, I want a good run. I want a strong run. I want a happy run.

I'm so afraid of FAILING. Stupid, I know. Finishing isn't failing, but tell that to my raging gremlin. So how to cope?

Well, I continue my acupuncture which really helps. I think of all the other things I'll do once in Hawaii (I even threatened my mother I'd come home with a tattoo - I still may do it!). I laugh and plan with my friends who are joining me. And I write in my blog that I'm afraid. And once again . . . I run. I run from the gremlin, I run from my fear, I run from all the things that trouble and upset me. And I run towards the finish line . . . and another race.